


Nocturnal Studies And Other Peculiar Magic

by WaterlilyRose



Series: In the Name of Magic [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, BB8 is an owl, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Kylo is Head of Slytherin, M/M, Magic, Professors, Rey is a Gryffindor, Star Wars in a Harry Potter world, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:30:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 37,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8694634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterlilyRose/pseuds/WaterlilyRose
Summary: Hogwarts was the first home Rey ever had. Now she has a chance to return as a grown woman to be the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. 
She cannot tolerate the Potions Master and former Death Eater that she duelled and scarred so many years ago. Yet unity must be upheld. 
Gryffindor and Slytherin will unite in ways never before.





	1. Journey to the Past

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [夜色研究及其他奇异魔法](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13360458) by [BerylAnn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BerylAnn/pseuds/BerylAnn)
  * Translation into 中文 available: [夜行性研究與其他獨特的魔法](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13592529) by [Revere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revere/pseuds/Revere)



> My fingers slipped and I wrote this. 
> 
> One-Shots are always fun but this was going to be about 30000 words so I'm splitting it into three chapters. I love and adore Harry Potter and worship J.K Rowling for gifting the world a place where magic exists. So blending my two fave fandoms together is a no-brainer.
> 
> I personally would identify as Ravenclaw. Knowledge is power.
> 
> The similarities between Kylo and Snape have always staggered me. I mean, come on, Adam Driver would be perfect playing a young Snape!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: This absolutely beautiful image was created by Panda Cappaccino and commisioned by Jess444. I can't thank either of them enough. It is breathtaking and helps me in ways I can't describe. 
> 
> See the original image and other beautiful fanart at http://panda-capuccino.tumblr.com/
> 
> EDIT: my tumblr is https://waterlilyrose.tumblr.com/

 

Link: 

http://panda-capuccino.tumblr.com/post/154209560012/i-loved-working-on-this-one-reylo-in-a-harry

* * *

 

 

Rey looked down at the small case in her hand. It was enchanted to fit more in than it appeared and yet there still wasn’t an excessive amount to put into her brown leather suitcase. She had gone to Diagon Alley especially with the bag of money the Minister of Magic had given her to buy supplies and whatever else she desired. Yet aside from all the relevant books, a few new robes and a quick visit to Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour there was little else to buy. Which begged the question as to the creature pecking at the cage by her feet.

 

Rey could only snort and shake her head at herself. She didn’t know what had come over her. She’d been on her way back to the Leaky Cauldron when she had passed the Owl Emporium and had looked into the window. And somehow walked inside.

 

She’d never had a substantial pet when she had been a student in Hogwarts as she never had enough Galleons. So now she was being called back to Hogwarts exactly ten years since she had first travelled down this magical street for school supplies, it felt like a wrong she should finally right.

 

The little owl had caught her attention immediately. It was smaller than average and with white and almost orange coloured feathers. It had taken an immediate interest to her as she had passed its cage while all the other owls had looked at her rather haughtily. And somehow she had ended up coughing over fifteen galleons for it and now had it as a companion as she waited on Platform 9 and ¾. It had been labelled BB8 in the emporium and Rey found herself quite liking the name. It reminded her of Professor Skywalker’s owl R2-D2.

 

Rey looked at all the children saying their last goodbyes to their parents and running to meet friends that they hadn’t seen all summer. She could spot the Muggleborns instantly: they all wore the same bemused, amazed and wondrous expression that she had worn when she had waited on the platform as an eleven-year-old girl. Rey wasn’t Muggleborn. She in fact descended from a long line of powerful wizards. Her grandfather Obi Wan Kenobi had been the man who had taught Luke Skywalker, the Headmaster of Hogwarts, everything he knew and Skywalker was considered the most powerful wizard alive these days. It was a lot to live up to.

 

But Rey wasn’t going back as a student. She was going back as a professor.

 

The Minister of Magic Leia Organa-Solo had called Rey to her office to discuss the opportunity. Peace had been a restored factor in the Wizarding World for a good four years and Rey’s Auror duties had been substantially less demanding lately as a result. The clean up had been successful and the trials of those who committed such traitorous crimes had been completed. Now was a time for rest and Organa-Solo had a chance for Rey.

 

“A position has become available for a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher in Hogwarts.” The older woman explained to Rey. “It is thought to be a wise idea for us to send an experienced Auror to teach the students on such matters. And I know the place that Hogwarts holds in your heart.”

 

“But surely I’m too young.” Rey had gaped.

 

“If anything, your experience in the face of such matters make you the perfect candidate to teach a young generation how to face such things.” Organa-Solo explained almost sadly.

 

The time came to board the train. The red steam engine never failed to steal her breath.

 

Finding an empty compartment, she sat BB8’s cage on the seat next to her (she hadn’t wanted to shove him in the baggage cart) and waited for the train to pull away. Looking out of the window, she watched as hundreds of parents waved frantically at their offspring. She’d never had anyone to wave her off. She turned away from the window.

 

It had been four years since the Battle of the Ministry and the death of Lord Snoke. Four peaceful years but hard won. The persecution of Muggleborns was over. Yet sometimes Rey wondered if these kind of battles ever really end.

 

Rey wished Finn was here. Her best friend from the first day on the train to this very day was already at Hogwarts and had been for the past two years as the Transfiguration teacher. He’d been ecstatic to hear of the news that Rey was coming to live at Hogwarts with them as was her other best friend Poe. Poe hadn’t gone to school with Rey and Finn being ten years older than them but they had met him when they saw him play in the Quiddich World Cup with the D’Qar Destroyers. Poe had been something of a sensation as one of the best Seekers in history but it wasn’t until he had assisted Finn and Rey in their mission to bring down Snoke that he gained the most prominence with her. He was the best broomstick pilot going but he was an even better fighter and a loyal friend. He’d retired from professional Quiddich now and was the flying instructor, referee and coach of Quiddich in Hogwarts. So the Golden Trio (as the papers dubbed them) were being reunited.

 

Rey smiled. This was a happy thought.

 

Hogwarts had always been her home and the boys her family. She suspected that Leia Organa-Solo knew this when she put Rey forward. Rey had loved her Auror duties and the sense of adventure it granted her but when the choice was glory or her home, Hogwarts would always win.

 

Godric, she’d missed it. She’d missed the dormitory tower, the ghosts in the corridor, the portraits that talked, the rivalries between houses (her Gryffindor pride still held the firm belief that the Lion beat the Snake every time) and the sense of belonging that could only be found under the twinkling enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall.

 

Which made the slight sense of foreboding even more disagreeable to Rey.

 

Because her home housed her adversary.

 

The son of the Minister of Magic had been involved with the Death Eaters. His betrayal had rocked the Wizarding world to its core. And his mother all the more so.

 

The night they had met had been one of the worst of Rey’s life. Leia Organa-Solo was a pure blood as was her brother Professor Skywalker but she had married a Muggle. Han Solo had possessed no magical ability but he had been a charmer, a swindler and a rogue. In short, he came in handy to the Ministry of Magic at times. He’d known of their world despite first believing magic was a fairytale. He’d been cunning enough to come up with some pretty damn good ideas at times and was the only Muggle allowed into the statute of secrecy due to his service to the Order of the Resistance. Rey had liked him. Been devoted to him. He was the father she had waited so long for.

 

But a Muggle was a disgusting abnormality to someone who was a blood purist like Kylo Ren. His father was the reason he was a half-blood. And many believed that was the reason he killed his father.

 

Rey grimaced and tried to look out at the countryside they were passing after the train had finally began its journey.

 

She’d witnessed it with Finn. The bastard had tears in his eyes as his father fell from the impact of the Avada Kadavra curse. What right did he have to cry after doing something like that?

 

Finn had attacked him with multiple curses but had been taken out. It had been Rey who inflicted the most damage. In that moment, her grief had made her powerful and she had inflicted enough damage on him to make her point clear.

 

The scar that cleaved his face in two was prominent the next time she saw him. And when he pulled his last surprise.

 

Poe, Finn and Rey may have been the Golden Trio but they weren’t the one to finish off Snoke. Ren was.

 

It had gotten him a reprieve from Azkaban. Under his uncle’s custody, he now remained in Hogwarts and made use of his knowledge as a Potions Master. It made Rey’s blood boil.

 

He had not been photographed or left the confines of the castle since.

 

Rey straightened her back and smiled at BB8. She would not let him ruin her chance of happiness. She was a witch and could cast a hex as good as any other. That knowledge got her through the rest of the journey.

 

* * *

 

She was taken by carriage from the train up to the castle. It was raining quite badly but she stuck her head out of the window to take in the magnificent sight of Hogwarts. Her smile was so huge her face ached.

 

Finn and Poe were waiting at the main entrance for her and she barely had time to drop her suitcase before she was being crushed in a bear hug by both boys.

 

“Peanut! You’re here.” Finn exclaimed. Rey giggled. She’d always hated that name but now it was music to her ears.

 

“At last. We thought you were never going to join us.” Poe smirked.

 

“Had to wait to be given the right role.” Rey shrugged. The hall hadn’t changed. Oh, it was good to be back.

 

Her luggage and BB8 had been taken away to be put in her new lodgings and the owlery respectively as Poe and Finn led her around the side entrance to the Great Hall so she could join the head table without too much of a walk.

 

The table was lined with teachers, new and old, who all greeted her pleasantly. Rey was particularly pleased to see Professor Kanata, the old Divination teacher and the Head of Ravenclaw. The tiny woman had always been one of her favourite teachers, even if her chosen subject was a bit beyond her. The grounds-keeper Chewbacca was also pleased to see her back. Well, she assumed he was. He wasn’t the most eloquent of people but then again Wookies (a special breed of werewolf that could mingle in society due to their lack of aggression… unless provoked) were always hard to understand.

 

Professor Skywalker was stood at the lectern waiting for the students to be seated and the first-years to enter for the Sorting Ceremony but turned and gave a deferential bow to Rey. She nodded her head in return.

 

Rey had forgotten all trepidation for coming when he arrived.

 

He entered through the side door as she had. Rey turned her head in time to see him.

 

The way he walked had always been something that fascinated her. He walked with grace and assurance that contradicted the way his posture could sometimes be slightly hunched as though trying to hide his height. He wore no colour except black. Not even green which was odd considering he was the Head of Slytherin house. His hair was long and curled around his face. His profile regal from his full mouth to his long prominent nose.

 

The scar that Rey had left was still there. It was more pink than red now and to Rey’s fury didn’t seem to take away his noble looks but accentuate it.

 

 

In another life, one where he wasn’t such a bastard, he might have been handsome.

 

He sat down at the end of the table away from everyone else and looked around the table for a drink. That’s when he caught sight of her looking at him.

 

Or more accurately glaring a hole into his long face.

 

His eyes widened a fraction and his hand stilled but other than that there was no reaction. No horror. No remorse. No embarrassment. He just turned to look back out at the hall and the assembling pupils.

 

Rey flushed angrily. The lack of reaction was galling. Didn’t he have any shame? She felt a hand on hers as Finn drew her attention back.

  
“Don’t expect Ren to acknowledge you. He looks through me and Poe like we are vapour.”

 

“Coward.” Rey hissed.

 

“Yes but at least we don’t have to deal with him.” Finn assured.

 

“No. But he might have to deal with me.”

 

Finn was saved from further discussion about the benefits of stupefying Kylo Ren by the beginning of the ceremony. Professor Skywalker greeted the new pupils to their exciting new journey.

 

“Before we begin,” he announced, “there are some changes to our staff this year. May I introduce Professor Kenobi, your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.”

 

Rey stood up shyly and nodded her thanks as the Great Hall rang with applause. She did notice a few pupils furiously whispering amongst themselves though. Their eyes went from her to Ren and back again.

 

Of course. Their duel in the Ministry had been legendary and many pupils probably found it incredible that Rey, who was strong but petite, could scar the face of such a powerful and intimidating wizard.

 

It was also a badly-kept secret that he had petitioned for Rey’s job for years. To lose it again to her of all people…

 

Rey’s eyes flicked back to Ren. His expression was more tight-lipped and his eyes flashing.

 

_Good. I hope it hurts his damn pride._

 

The new pupils were sorted into their house (Rey made sure to clap extra hard everytime one was sorted to Gryffindor) and then the feast began.

 

Rey beamed with delight as the table transformed to present chicken, chips, pies, sweetmeats and various other goodies.

 

She helped herself to steak and kidney pie and refused to look in Ren’s direction. She was home. And nothing would ruin it.

 

* * *

 

Rey’s first week back at Hogwarts was as good as she had hoped. She had been given quarters in the Tower which had included a living area, kitchenette, bathroom and bedroom. All decorated in the illustrious red and gold and so familiar to her old girls’ dormitory that she’d been incapable of removing the grin off her face. BB8 found himself a home at one of the windows and enjoyed his vantage point overlooking the Forbidden Forest and the school grounds.

 

Lando Calrissian, the Head of Gryffindor house, had taken her about her patrol duties and what levels of punishment to exact on pupils regarding the level of offense. A charming man, he’d been an old friend of Han’s despite being a Pure Blood and Han a Muggle. It was a point of amusement to Rey that despite possessing no magical abilities Han could outwit anyone.

 

Rey had found her first class daunting but managed to hold the pupils attention with little to no trouble. Her chosen subject on how to deflect the Stupify curse seem popular.

 

She did find that the pupils were inquisitive though.

 

At first they asked about her missions as an Auror and what villains she’d sent to Azkaban but it moved on to more personal matters.

 

“Professor Kenobi!” One Gryffindor girl asked. “Was it hard to cut Professor Ren across the face with your size difference?”

 

Rey had blinked and informed them sternly to turn to page 94 in their textbooks. She stared at the page herself to resist the urge to tell them all it had been like cutting through butter thanks to the influence of her grief and rage.

 

The pupils seemed very taken to her and often got quite excited when herself, Poe and Finn met in the Great Hall for dinner or went to oversee Quiddich practise. Rey had always been gifted on a broom but deemed it unwise to mount one and chase a Snitch when she was trying to make a good first impression.

 

Something that Rey could not help but notice: she rarely saw Ren. He would appear at breakfast and supper but then he would go back down to the dungeons where his quarters and his classroom were. He was often brewing something that required intense concentration, according to Finn.

 

She heard enough from pupils and teachers alike that he was a hard teacher to have. Stern and quick to anger, it was not an uncommon occurrence to see some of the First Year pupils coming back up from the dungeons almost white in the face.

 

The Slytherins liked him though. Idolised him even and didn’t seem too perturbed by his aggressive teaching style. Probably because he favoured them over all others.

 

For two weeks, life was perfect. She saw Finn and Poe, she taught her pupils, she watched BB8 off to go hunting for food and simply relished the beauty of Hogwarts once again.

 

One of the first places she visited there was the Gryffindor portrait leading into the dormitory.

 

She had wanted to see him for the longest time.

 

He didn’t recognise her at first and then smiled his cocky smile.

 

“Well, look who it is. How you doing kid?”

 

It took Rey all her strength not to cry. Han Solo, or more accurately The Wayward Muggle as the portrait called him, looked as real as he had in life. The canvas was exceptionally done. Professor Skywalker had been keen to honour his brother-in-law somehow. Apparently when Han’s immortal sub-conscious showed up in a portrait, Han had been less than impressed.

 

“Most people get a bench.” He’d pointed out to his perplexed Wizard friend. But sadly Luke Skywalker thought something so boring as a wooden bench with a plaque would be lost on some of the Pure blood pupils who weren’t used to Muggle ways. So on the door to the entrance Han had stayed. And it proved a lot more fun than he had feared. He could run from portrait to portrait through the castle if he wished and like to pop in to Leia’s study at the Ministry above her desk to see her and irritate her with ridiculous comments during very serious meetings.

 

“I’m well, are you okay?” She had whispered.

 

“Peachy, thanks. It’s quite interesting living with oil-painted wizards. Some of those bloody Gryffindor kids though… proud and brave, my eye! Some go running off at the sight of a spider!”

“Some of them are only twelve! We aren’t expecting them to be warriors just yet.”

 

“Mores the pity.” Han quipped.

 

Rey stopped by and talked to him everyday. Sometimes bringing Poe. Sometimes bringing Finn ( _“You alright there, Big Deal?” Han always greeted which confused Rey and made Finn go red)._ She even managed to get Chewbacca up from the Forbidden Forest to see his old friend. Amazingly for Muggle, Han understood Wookie.

 

Rey never asked the question as to whether Kylo came up here. It was skirted around with a dexterity that Rey found both impressive and difficult.

 

In hindsight, it had all been too neat and tidy to not be brought up forever.

 

* * *

 

It was the first week of October and Rey was trotting quickly down some stairs on the third floor. She was meeting Finn and Poe in Chewie’s hut for tea (she hoped to Merlin that Chewie hadn’t tried cooking again: he tended to eat his Womprat raw). She was about to head down the stairs when her long gown and robe tangled around her feet. Rey always wore Muggle jeans and a t-shirt in her time off but when she had classes she dressed the part. Sadly, she wasn’t used to the mechanics of dresses and stumbled. Rey could feel herself toppling over and let out a shriek as she fell towards the unforgiving stone steps. Yet just as she was about to collide, she was stopped in mid-air.

 

She could feel the effects of the Arresto Momentum spell.

 

Slowly, she was lowered onto the steps without crashing into them and she was able to sit down on the step.

 

“Godric, that was close.” Rey said laughing, “thank you so mu-”

 

Her thank you died in her voice-box when she looked up to see who had cast the spell.

 

Kylo withdrew his wand from her direction and tucked it back into his robes. “Surely you know the rules about running in the halls?”

 

Rey was on her feet and luckily the steps gave her at least four feet on his six foot three frame. They were completely alone as the students were attending dinner in the Great Hall.

 

“Surprised you didn’t let me break my ribs.” Rey spat. “It wouldn’t be unusual for you. And it’s what I would have done.”

 

“Not very noble of you Kenobi.” Kylo drawled as though he had expected nothing less. “Sounds almost… Slytherin of you.”

 

“I’m a Gryffindor and don’t you forget it.” Rey spat back at him.

 

“I’m never bloody likely to.” Ren threw back sounding incensed. “You’ll carry that Saviour of the Wizarding World to the end. Surprised they haven’t given you a badge.”

 

“Oh, let me guess, you wanted that title for yourself?” Rey sneered descending the stairs slowly lest she trip again. “Not looking likely though, is it? Seeing as you are an ex-Death Eater.”

 

“You know nothing of what I’ve done.” He hissed.

 

“Thank Godric. I doubt I would be able to face breakfast tomorrow if I did.”

 

“I just helped you-”

 

“I don’t need your help!” Rey shouted. “You are the last person in this castle I would want to rely on. When you could betray your mother! Your fa-”

 

“Do not speak of him to me!” He roared.

 

“He was a better man than you will ever be.”

 

“Didn’t do him much good, did it?” He said almost softly. Viciously. “When he was staring down the end of my wand.”

 

The hex flew from her wand before even she knew what she was doing but he deflected it almost like someone would swat a fly.

 

Rey fired another and another and another. Again and again, he deflected and pushed back at her strength. The portraits on the walls of the third floor were shouting. Some shouted encouragements. Some curses. All were engaged to watch the young professors duel it out.

 

Rey managed a rather good shot at his arm causing him to cry out in pain as the red flame of magic singed his cloak and exposed his bloody wound. Her magic was coursing through her very veins. She beat him once. She could do it again.

 

Then he fired a shot at her, hitting her in the chest. She fell backwards onto the stone floor. Her wand fallen to the side. And he was advancing.

 

Suddenly the tip of his wand was pressed to her neck.

 

“Yield.” He hissed.

 

Rey looked up at him with what must have been pure hatred.

 

“For the love of Salazar, just yield.” He cried.

 

“No. You’ll have to finish me off yourself for once.”

 

His eyes, so dark and angry were brimming with an unknown emotion. Not pain. Indecision maybe? Or reluctance?

 

It didn’t matter as he wasn’t stood before her for long. A jet of magic coming from the down the corridor sent him flying back into the wall.

 

She went for her wand but that was summoned away from her fingers. Professor Skywalker caught it with almost indifference.

 

Sat upon the floor, Rey stared at the Headmaster. The ramifications of what she’d just done came screaming back to her and she felt sick.

 

“Collect yourselves. And then come to my office. At once.”

 

Skywalker left Ren pushing himself up with a grimace and Rey was a feeling of despair.

 

* * *

 

Rey had been in Skywalker’s office before. She had visited once or twice since starting her post at Hogwarts and had been subjected to standing for a telling off with Finn when she had been a student more times than she could justify.

 

She’d never felt more terrible or scared than she did now, standing before a grave Professor Skywalker with Kylo Ren beside her.

 

“One of the most important aspects of being a Professor is to be an example for our students. To promote house unity and be models of what a witch and wizard should be.”

 

Ren said nothing. Didn’t so much as move. Rey was desperate to explain herself.

 

“Professor, I can only apologise. I have no idea what came over-”

 

Skywalker held up a hand to signal her to stop and Rey’s mouth fell closed.

 

“This is a very serious situation Professor Kenobi. If any students had witnessed this, I would be forced to send you both back on the Hogwarts train at once.”

 

Rey felt faint. No, please no. Hogwarts was her home. To be banished from its walls… the tears sprung unbidden to her eyes.

 

She didn’t look at Kylo but he was as straight backed as though he’d received an electric shock.

 

“However,” Professor Skywalker continued, “mercifully no children actually witnessed your duel. And I’m sure I can convince the portraits to exercise discretion. So I am saved from that rather unpleasant situation.”

 

Rey nearly fell to her knees and thanked whoever was listening.

 

“It is clear to me however,” Professor Skywalker said in a tone of no argument, “that the situation and relationship between you both needs attention. You have a history and not a pleasant one. I should have foreseen this scenario from the beginning but I had been hopeful that time would have been a healing tool. Gryffindor and Slytherin have a fractured history at best and you are their representatives. If the two adult professors can’t put their past behind them, who can?”

 

“It’s not like we had some squabble on the Quiddich pitch. You know what happened. You were there.” Rey couldn’t help but argue.

 

Skywalker nodded. “Indeed. But we have all been tried and found our fates in the Ministry. And this is not Azkaban.”

 

The older man walked around his desk and paced as he thought.

 

Kylo and Rey watched but said nothing.

 

“As you are to be examples to the students, the best mediation is to put you at the forefront of the students needs. So I am assigning you a task: you will be in charge of detention duty for the rest of the year.”

 

Rey’s mouth dropped open.

 

“You want us to be alone in a room together possibly every night for a year?” Ren demanded, speaking for the first time.

 

“You will not be alone as you will only be required when there are students to supervise during their punishment. It will be a good test to you both on how to work together and portray your roles as educators.”

 

Detention duty was normally assigned to the dungeons and Ren normally took it himself. Students were assigned monotonous tasks and had to work in silence. How were they going to play this role when not an hour ago she was about to carve another slash across his face?

 

“Considering that you may well have lost your jobs today I would consider this an opportunity. Or a lucky escape.” Skywalker advised.

 

“But we could-”

 

“There are ghosts who frequent the dungeons. Master Yoda tends to dwell down there, as the damp reminds him of Dagobah so he will report to me if he thinks either of you are in danger.”

 

Rey wants to argue. Wanted to scream bloody murder that she would bludgeon Ren to death with his own cauldron if he so much as growled at her but she was caught. She loved her job. She couldn’t be sent away from her only true home. Not again.

 

“Okay.” Rey whispered.

 

Skywalker looked to his nephew. Ren didn’t speak but gave a nod so short and resentful that Rey wanted to kick him.

 

“Excellent. I shall make the arrangement known to the teachers. You shall begin tomorrow night.”

 

And with that, they were dismissed.

 

Rey went to turn away as soon as she in the corridor but a hand caught her arm.

 

Ren’s eyes were darker than ever.

 

“Throw a hex at me again and I won’t give you the opportunity to yield.” He warned.

 

Rey, who was stronger than she looked, snatched her hand away.

 

“Touch me again and I will make sure the Skywalker line goes no further with a swift knee up.”

 

Their eyes promised misery to the other and then they stormed away.

 

Tomorrow would be a living hell for Rey.


	2. An Perspective Never Imagined

Rey spent the beginning of the next day in a haze. She ate at the right times, spoke at the right times and taught her classes as calmly as she could. Everyone around her were completely normal aside from the portraits who she noticed looking at her almost with a hint of wariness and in some cases admiration. But maybe she was going out of her mind. It looked as though, if nothing else, no ghosts or students had any idea of what occurred so at least her position wasn’t immediately under threat.

 

But all that she could focus on was seven o’clock that night. And all that it entailed.

 

She had told Poe and Finn what had happened (she needed to confide in someone) and had sat upon her sofa in her quarters as Finn paced about and Poe sat almost at a loss as what to say.

 

“Skywalker can’t ask this of you! What is he thinking?” Finn demanded, “He knows that you two have a bad history.”

 

“He thinks that being forced to work together in front of an audience will cool our tempers.” Rey offered.

 

“Then he’s completely lost it.” Finn enthused. “You can’t go down there alone.”

 

“There will be ghosts present. And students. It’s not like he’s locking us in a broom closet.” Rey tried to sound optimistic even if her sentiments were on par with Finn’s.

 

“I could turn myself into a cat and come down with you.” He offered.

 

“That wouldn’t work.” Poe interjected at last. “Ren knows your Animagus. Everyone does. It’s registered.”

 

“Boys, this is my fault. I threw the first hex.” Rey sighed. “Now I have to accept my punishment.”

 

And she would, of course, but not without a feeling of cold dread.

 

She’s not eaten much that night as food had been just too much of a challenge for her to manage. And that showed how dire the situation was as she never refused food. A childhood of not having nearly enough had seen to that.

 

Rey prayed that no children acted up that day. Skywalker did state that if there was no children in the room they need not be there. But a note was delivered that two Ravenclaws had been caught practising spells that carried a fire hazard. She was to report to the Potions Dungeon. Damn it to Merlin!

 

She dragged her feet, stopped to talk to every ghost that passed her and tried to find a reason that Skywalker would accept for her absence but she was at the door in no time.

 

She hated the dungeons. No class should be taught down here. It was freezing cold and there was a constant dripping noise echoing somewhere.

 

She straightened her back. This was for her livelihood and home. She had to do it.

 

She entered the Potions room.

 

It was as she had remembered it when had been a pupil: depressing. There was no natural light and not that many candles. Wooden benches were set out with a generous cauldron at the end of each one. A lectern and a workstation at the top of the class. And a figure that resembled a bat bending over it.

 

He should tie his hair back, Rey mused as she watched Ren add Valerian Seed to the bubbling concoction, that can’t be hygienic.

 

“Close the door please, Kenobi. You’re letting the warm air out.”

 

Rey complied and slammed it shut with more force than necessary.

 

He stirred the cauldron and then finally graced her with a look. “Surprised you turned up.” He mused.

 

“I love my job. And my home. I intend to keep it.” She spat.

 

“Well, good for you(!) Just refrain from trying to pry the skin from my bones with the tip of your wand and you’ll be set for the head of Gryffindor position before you know it.”

 

It probably would have descended into a verbal spat if not a magical one had the door not opened to admit two Third-Year Ravenclaws. The students who had detention. Right. Priorities.

 

“Please sit down, you two.” Rey instructed using her best teacher voice. Ren’s scoff of contempt indicated he didn’t find it impressive.

 

The two students, boys who were friends and clearly thought a good way to pass their lunch break was to burn down the Astronomy tower, looked at their new teacher and then caught sight of Professor Ren.

 

“Professor… you’re… both taking the detention?” One of the boys asked.

 

“That’s right Belemey.” Ren snarled, “Now sit down and be silent.”

 

Rey didn’t glare at Ren but it was a struggle. Clearly his reputation for being a complete bastard was justified as a teacher.

 

The two boys sat down and Ren came around to the front of the desk. He dumped a box of potion labels in front of them.

 

“The bottles need relabelling. No magic. If you don’t do it right, you’ll be back in tomorrow to start over.”

 

Rey prayed to whoever was listening that they did it right the first time.

 

The boys merely started sorting the labels.

 

At that, Ren turned back to his cauldron and added Linseed Oil. Rey was left alone.

 

Sitting herself down at the front desk, his desk, she opened her charmed satchel and brought out some essays that she had been meaning to mark. Sorting them on the desk, she glanced back at Ren’s back. She wondered if he had started brewing a ridiculously complex potion so he had a decent excuse to avoid her.

 

The hours that ticked until midnight felt like an eternity. Rey had to read several sentences over at least five times to get them to make sense. The atmosphere of tension in the room made working a rather difficult undertaking. The only voice that spoke in that five hours was the occasional bark of Ren snarled “Back to work!” if he spotted the two boys slacking or conversing in any way.

 

Eventually midnight came and went, the labels were inspected and found satisfactory and the boys let go. Rey was triumphant: no one had died a painful death. Collecting her papers, she started to sort them into piles and fold them into her satchel.

 

She left the dungeon without a single word to Ren and he wasn’t tripping over himself to bid her goodnight either.

 

Rey returned to her quarters with a sense of achievement. She did it once. She could survive the rest.

 

* * *

 

And so a pattern was formed. The pupils receiving detention would come in, Ren would bark orders and give them mundane tasks then go back to his potion or marking and ignored Rey as she marked her own papers. They never exchanged a word to one another.

 

The atmosphere was always awkward and unpleasant for both of them (at least she hoped it was for him – she didn’t want to be lonely in her misery) but there were no hexes were thrown in either direction for the entire month of October.

 

Skywalker never brought up the duel that put them in their current predicament but he did bring up their arrangement after her monthly meeting with him to discuss her lesson plan.

 

“This all looks above-board Rey, so long as you believe the children are ready to learn the Patronus Charm.”

 

“The earlier they start, the stronger it will be in times of trouble.” Rey reasoned. The Patronus Charm was her favourite defensive spell. The sight of her Patronus, a strong and proud Falcon, always gave her a sense of peace. Proof of her witch ability. She wanted her pupils to experience something similar.

 

“Very good.” The older man sat down in his chair and rest his hands on his stomach. His beard and generally tired eyes always made him look far older than he really was. “And now how are matters between yourself and Professor Ren?”

Rey grimaced. “As well as can be expected.”

 

“That doesn’t give me much to feel positive about.” Skywalker commented.

 

“We haven’t duelled since.” Rey added.

 

“From what I can gather you don’t talk either.”

 

“It seems the best way to avoid arguments.” Rey shrugged.

 

“And the best way to hinder any progress too.”

 

“Professor,” Rey argued, feeling a little annoyed, “he killed his own father. Your friend. My...” She swallowed. It still stung. What she could have had with Han. The father figure he could have been.

 

“I’ve not forgotten. And I know what he’s done. As does the rest of the world. But he was tried for his crimes. And he did end Snoke which is more than any of us ever came close to doing.”

 

“Am I supposed to be grateful?” Rey demanded.

 

“Maybe a little. But I don’t expect too much. You view him in the worst regard possible. But it is nothing, _nothing_ , in comparison to how he views himself.”

 

Rey didn’t feel her job was so secure that she could accuse her boss of favouritism towards his only nephew. She chose instead to chew her cheek.

 

They would have carried on in silence if they hadn’t finally come to blows again over a particularly sore subject.

 

A Gryffindor and a Slytherin were caught brawling outside the entrance hall and sentenced to a weeks worth of detention.

 

Rey was glad she was there to oversee the punishment as she was certain that had she not been Ren would have given the Slytherin boy all the easiest jobs going. Then again she couldn’t think of anything easy about cleaning the cauldrons out with a hand-brush. Especially as most of the ingredients used in those cauldrons were making the bristles on the brush melt.

 

Rey oversaw the operation (as she had done all the marking for the day) and told the Slytherin boy off for slacking or throwing a glare at the Gryffindor boy. These two had always had a sort of mutual antagonism but Rey didn’t doubt that the Slytherin boy was the one doing the provoking. He had an air of entitlement about him.

 

Yet, when the boys had left and Rey went to collect her things, Ren spoke to her for the first time in a month.

 

“Finished playing the Fairy Godmother role for your precious Gryffindor sprog?”

 

Rey glared at him. “If it protected him from your inability to treat students fairly then yes.”

 

“Yeah, like you aren’t prejudiced(!)” Ren sneered.

 

Rey stood poker-straight. “I am not prejudiced! I don’t care where anyone comes from; magical family or Muggleborn-”

 

“No. But Salazar forbid that they have a tie with a Slytherin emblem on it!”

 

His words shut her up. Because, try as she might to avoid realising it, there was some truth in his words.

 

“That’s… I’m not-”

 

“It doesn’t matter if you disagree. It is what it is. At least I admit that I find Gryffindors to be generally proud and more brawn than brain. But don’t stand here looking down your nose at me when you do exactly the same. Me and you are more alike than you will ever be willing to admit.”

 

Somewhere in the midst of this stand-off Ren had approached her and she had refused to move back. As a result they were practically nose-to-nose and she could feel his breath tickle her face. She knew that she should draw her wand and force him back out of her personal space. Yet oddly she felt like she was feeling the effects of an extremely potent tingle potion. She felt emboldened and chastened and alive all at once and that was just from her refusal to blink when Ren was staring her right in the eye.

 

Ren stepped around her suddenly and was out of the dungeon before Rey could even gather her thoughts. There was a lingering sensation in her stomach and the remaining scent of a man in her nostrils which were the only proof that she hadn’t experienced an extremely realistic mirage.

 

She didn’t sleep at all well that night.

 

* * *

 

Rey found herself spending the remainder of her time the next day (which was mercifully a Saturday) thinking over Ren’s accusation. She wondered if she was as fair as she liked to believe she was and thought over her students. Over who she favoured and whom she didn’t like. She came away from it feeling rather mortified at the realisation that the majority of her preferred students were in Gryffindor and the ones she hadn’t liked were normally wearing green.

 

Rey had never treated anyone unfairly, she was confident of that, but her own personal feelings were certainly influenced on occasion.

 

She found herself wandering to the Gryffindor Tower to The Wayward Muggle portrait. Han stopped reading the book he’d been painted with (‘Luke’s effort to make me look cultured, no doubt’ he’d quipped) and looked up at the sight of her.

 

“Hey Han.” She greeted morosely.

 

“Jesus, what’s up with you, kid?” He asked.

 

“Oh just...” She trailed off.

  
“What’s my son done this time?” He asked resignedly. Rey looked at him startled. He’d never mentioned Ren to her since she’d started her visits to him.

 

“How do you-”

 

“Oh please!” Han scoffed. “Half the portraits witnessed it. Luke may have sworn them to silence but they are the worst gossips amongst themselves.”

 

“So you know that…”

“That you two are stuck being the disciplinarians of young impressionable wizards? Yep, it came up.”

 

Rey ran her hands over her head.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Han asked tentatively. Rey nodded. “Try and be patient with him. And maybe civil?”

 

“What?” Rey barked without restraint. “How can you, you of all people,-”

 

“Because he’s still my son.”

 

“He’s never come up to see you.”

 

Han nodded, clearly not offended. “He hasn’t. But there’s a lot more to him than what you know.”

 

Rey tried to argue but Han wasn’t going to let her this time.

 

“If you want to honour my memory, try and find some common ground with the one person that is technically one half of me.”

 

That caught her off guard. She’d always held Ren in such contempt for killing the man who had given him life but she had never thought of it that he might be the last part of Han that was alive and close to her.

 

She wondered if that made her predicament better or worse.

 

* * *

 

The first sign of a more understanding relationship between the two professors was when two Gryffindors were caught casting a Hex at a Slytherin girl. Ren witnessed it and deducted ten points each from Gryffindor. The two Gryffindors looked to Rey for help. She gave none.

 

“You heard Professor Ren. Report to the dungeons for detention at seven o’clock.”

 

Ren did do a double take at her. He was clearly not expecting any level of agreement but he wasn’t going to argue. The two Gryffindors looked shocked. This confirmed to Rey that maybe she had indeed been too soft on the pupils in her house. Well, never again.

 

Ren waited until the students were out of earshot before speaking.

 

“I wasn’t expecting you to support a decision of mine.”

 

“We have to work together as educators if nothing else.” Rey replied primly. She didn’t look at him. She was afraid that she would see Han’s bone structure and his strong nose staring back at her.

 

Ren said nothing at all. He didn’t seem to know what to say.

 

The detentions were still silent and rather unpleasant but the atmosphere didn’t seem quite so toxic now. Maybe because Rey had chosen a more tolerant attitude. Or maybe the fumes from the ever bubbling cauldron had finally got to her.

 

Something that grew to fascinate Rey a great deal was Ren’s lack of companions. At first she thought it had only been Poe and Finn that were excluded due to his dislike of them. But that wasn’t the case. Ren didn’t talk to anyone if he could avoid it.

 

It was an early morning in mid-November when Rey tucked a letter into BB8’s beak with instructions to head for the Ministry.

 

“You are to stay there a day or two once you arrive at Minister Organa-Solo’s office,” She instructed her pet, “and no biting C3-P0 this time!”

 

C3-P0 was Minister Organa-Solo’s golden cat. A little too eager to be amongst things, he had often nearly tripped Rey up by getting under her feet. That didn’t mean she wanted him to be attacked by her own tiny yet opinionated pet.

 

Rey opened her window wide and watched as her owl flew away over the castle roofs. Her eyes flickered down as she went to close the window latch.

 

There was no-one else about at this time of morning and, even completely dressed in black, Ren’s bulky form was distinctive and immediately recognisable.

 

He was walking about the courtyard and heading in the direction of the Quiddich pitch.

 

Rey wondered idly where he had been and her suspicious mind immediately won out over Han’s pleading words for patience.

 

Rey darted down the stairs towards the Great Hall and out onto the courtyard. Dressed in an old T-shirt and jeans with a battered tanned jacket, she looked as far from a powerful witch enforcer as it was possible to be. Rather humiliatingly, in the Muggle world, she still had the habit of being asked for ID when she was buying alcohol.

 

With her wand clutched to her side, she finally caught up with his long strides and kept about ten paces behind as she followed him.

 

There was something eerily odd and unnatural about an empty Quiddich pitch. Especially that morning when the fog hung low in the air and the temperature was biting at Rey’s cheeks.

 

Ren walked to the centre of the pitch and raised his wand. Rey clutched hers and held her breath. Would he raise the Dark Mark? Was he still involved with them all? Would the Minister forgive her if she was forced to use the Avada Kadavra curse? She’d never cast it before but she had learnt that sometimes there is truly no other option.

 

The surprise that took hold of Rey when a silver stream of magic burst from his wand was palpable.

 

She recognised it anywhere. The Patronus charm.

 

At first, she refused to believe exactly what she was seeing. Because it couldn’t be. It simply couldn’t.

 

It must be a phoenix. Or a hawk. Anything but…

 

But no. It was there. It was true.

 

His Patronus was a Falcon.

 

His Patronus was the same as her own.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive the wait and the shortness of the chapter. I've struggled this past two weeks with an extremely low mood and it starves any writing ability I possess. Plus I hate Christmas. And being surrounded by it doesn't improve my mood. 
> 
> Kudos and comments is my medicine (seriously).


	3. Dancing Around the Obvious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> It never fails to amaze me how lovely some people are. The comments and praise my little fics get means more to me than I can say. 
> 
> Encase you missed it Panda Cappaccino and Jess444 commissioned a piece of work for this fic which is my pride and joy. It's in the first chapter if you haven't seen it (I consider it the cover to my story now) but visit the link at http://panda-capuccino.tumblr.com/post/154209560012/i-loved-working-on-this-one-reylo-in-a-harry to give it all the love it deserves. 
> 
> I wrote this to 'Wicked Game' by Ursine Vulpine feat Annaca. 
> 
> Enjoy!

This promised to be a good game. Slytherin versus Gryffindor. Of all the houses, this rivalry always promised the dirtiest tactics and made Poe go to bed early the night before so he could be as observant as possible. He couldn’t referee the game itself (being an ex Gryffindor there was always the risk of bias) but Professor Pava, the Head of Hufflepuff, sometimes asked Poe for a second opinion in times of indecision. She was an excellent brooms-woman but she couldn’t have eyes everywhere.

 

Poe could, of course, but Poe’s broom and Quiddich ability was unprecedented. The Galleons he had earned from his glory days with the D’Qar Destroyers was testament to that.

 

The pupils were wild in the stands. Even the teachers looked suspiciously like they were taking bets.

 

Rey sat in the stand with all the other professors. She barely heard or noticed a thing. It was like she was underwater.

 

All she saw when her eyes fell on the pitch was the imprint of the silver Falcon she had seen in the mist that morning. Which made her eyes flick back to the man swarded in black on the other side of the stands. Her Occulamancy skills were strong enough that she didn’t have to worry about anything spilling out for him to catch. Yet a part of her almost wanted him to.

 

To look around. Spot her looking. See her eyes. And know.

 

Rey took a swig of Butterbeer that Finn had got the House Elves to brew.

 

This was ridiculous, she chastised herself sternly, she was making a fuss over nothing. There were only a certain amount of animals in the world. Some were bound to overlap. Merlin, Finn’s Patronus was a cat and so had the Death Eater Armitage Hux’s been. It was safe to say they were in no way linked by anything other than a feline tendency.

 

Han Solo had been her father figure. He had been Ren’s biological father. A coincidence. A… a perfectly reasonable…

 

Except it wasn’t. She knew it wasn’t.

 

The Patronus manifested to show your inner character. Your true animal form.

 

If they shared the same animal, it meant that Skywalker was right. Their characters were more alike than different.

 

Rey could get behind that theory a lot more than the other.

 

That if your Patronus matches… you could be destined. The other side of the coin to that person. Their…

 

Rey tipped her head back and drank deeply. No, not that.

 

It couldn’t be.

 

“Jesus Peanut, thirsty much?”

 

Rey tried to smile at Finn who was sat next to her. It felt more like a grimace.

 

“Always nice to enjoy a drink.” She dismissed.

 

“You okay?” Finn looked at her intently. “You’ve been a bit quiet today. And you look a bit washed out.”

 

“Thanks(!)” Rey quipped. “I’m just tired. Lots of marking last night.”

 

“Don’t work yourself too hard. Skywalker doesn’t need you to flog yourself to death for your job.” His eyes were drawn back to the pitch. The players were entering the field.

 

It was a good game apparently. Rey did watch the best she could but couldn’t honestly say she saw any of it.

 

Every movement Ren made throughout was noted though. His light clapping when Slytherin scored. The odd gesture of pushing his hair out of his face. And the fact he sat away from the other teachers. Alone. Always alone.

 

When she had seen him that first night in the dining hall, she would have rejoiced in his isolation.

 

Now, she felt a foreign feeling in his chest: a desire to bridge a gap.

 

Gryffindor won the day. Slytherin, undeniably, put up a good fight. She cheered along with Finn. She hoped it didn’t sound as distracted or hollow to his ears as it did to her own.

 

* * *

 

Rey found the ending weeks of November to be as torturous as when she had forced been made to spend her nights with rule-breaking pupils and her nemesis.

 

Despite her wish to know the man a little better, if only for the purposes of research of his Patronus, she found that old habits were hard to break. She couldn’t think of a single way to coax him into a conversation that didn’t end with blood being drawn on both sides.

 

For a man so similar to herself (apparently), she was lost as to how to approach him.

 

She thought of the personality traits of the Falcon. The possessors generally took things to the extreme and were symbolically messengers. She liked to think she spread the message of tolerance and light. It was just a shame he had spread the complete opposite.

 

The first attempt at connecting to him was a disaster but that was because she tried to cheat.

 

She was fairly talented at Legilimancy and, while he was bent over his cauldron during a detention with a gang of Slytherin third years, she put down her quill, looked over at him and began to probe forward.

 

At first she wondered if she had lost her touch. For she could feel nothing. Not an inch of his psyche.

 

She kept pushing until sweat broke out onto her forehead. Then she understood: his Occulamancy level was so powerful, she was protected without even trying.

 

Rey would have been impressed, amazed even, if she wasn’t feeling a touch resentful.

 

She went back to her marking and decided to leave the mind reading alone.

 

Sadly, it wasn’t to be forgotten so easily.

 

Just as she was packing up her papers after the students had been dismissed, it came back to bite.

 

“You know, if you have a question, you could always maybe… talk to me? It’s not polite to read minds, you know?”

 

Rey froze at a loss at what to say. Ren’s eyes were cold but not surprised.

 

Somehow that hurt Rey in ways she couldn’t explain.

 

It was a known fact: when cornered, Rey could get defensive.

 

“Why? Have you something to hide?”

 

It sounded weak even to her.

 

“What do you want to know from me?” He asked almost calmly.

 

Rey did consider honesty. To tell him why. But her Gryffindor courage failed her. Mainly because it hardly made any sense to her let alone anyone else.

 

“Like I could actually trust anything you tell me.” Rey murmured.

 

“So probing my mind is the alternative?” Ren quipped.

 

“Like you haven’t done worse for your own twisted causes!” Rey snapped.

 

Ren’s features darkened. “We all did things that weren’t pleasant in the War.”

 

“You more than most.”

 

Ren looked away. She knew he was thinking back to their first ever meeting.

 

Rey had been captured before the Battle of the Ministry and imprisoned within one of the cells. Poe and Finn had been captured too. Each had been assigned a Death Eater to question them.

 

Poe and Finn had been subjected to the Cruciatus Curse at the hands of Armitage Hux and Phasma Lestrange respectively.

 

Kylo Ren had been her assigned Death Eater.

 

Rey had been terrified. She had heard the sounds of Poe and Finn’s yells of pain from many cells away and wondered what was in store for her.

 

So she was bemused to come face-to-face with a man who towered over her yet had a face pale and freckled and almost sad.

 

He had been nothing like she’d anticipated. Stern and solemn yet not violent. The Cruciatus Curse never left his lips. But Legilimens had.

 

Rey had felt her eyes fill with tears as he walked through her mind. When he saw her wretched lonely childhood in a Muggle foster home. Of her fear that the beautiful new world that had been introduced at the age of eleven would be lost to darkness. At the never ending hope that the mother who had birthed her would show up alive and well and wanting to know her little girl.

 

Pointless pathetic hopes and dreams. But _her_ hopes and dreams.

 

The knowledge that he saw this weakness had infuriated her. The pity and almost understanding in his eyes at the sight of her pain was even worse.

 

She’d pushed back. Pushed forward. And pushed into his mind.

 

It had been a brief and fleeting vision but as dark and unhappy as her own.

 

A feeling of duty, despair, anger, loneliness and pain.

 

A need to prove oneself. Like Vader before him.

 

Lord Vader was Leia Organa-Solo’s father and, before Snoke, the greatest Dark Wizard of all time. He had been the crux to the First Wizarding War.

 

She’d been wrenched out of his mind before she could go any further. He’d looked at her in awe and almost fear.

 

He’d left her alone in her cell. She’d used that time to escape, rescue Finn and Poe and get to the Order of the Resistance. And see her father figure fall beneath a flash of green light.

 

Any sense of understanding she had felt for Ren had disappeared as quickly as the light in Han’s eyes.

 

Ren grabbed his things and snarled at her.

 

“Stay out of my head. And I won’t be tempted to venture into yours.”

 

He was gone in a flurry of his robes before Rey could fully experience the feeling of mortification at her idiocy.

 

* * *

 

The month of December finally rose like a phoenix after a burning day and the festivities of Christmas began to take hold of the castle. Rey watched with good humour as holly wound its way on its own accord down the many moving staircases, as mistletoe sprung out over many heads and the stars above the Great Hall turned to falling snow.

 

There was an even greater cause of excitement amongst the students this Christmas. Professor Skywalker had announced to an excitable hall of students during dinner one night that, thanks to the success of the Yule Balls in such schools as Durmstrang and Castelobruxo, Hogwarts would be presenting their own that very Christmas.

 

It amazed Rey how many young girls lost their heads in all the excitement. Rey had been lucky enough to experience her own Christmas Ball when she had been fourteen. It had been Skywalkers attempt to bring some kind of innocence back to Hogwarts before things unequivocally changed for the worse. Rey didn’t remember feeling quite so giddy at the prospect of wearing a fussy dress. But she had never been like one of the other girls.

 

She remembered having a very heated discussion with Mon Mathma, the Head of Gryffindor at the time, about why exactly she couldn’t wear jeans to the ball.

 

Eventually, she had managed to scavenge a dress from Madam Milkins that hadn’t cost the Earth and proceeded to dance atrociously with Finn all night. It had been fun but hardly the defining moment of her youth like many girls seemed to believe it to be.

 

At least there was one plus to being a teacher: no need to dress up.

 

Rey watched the castle transform into a picture worthy of a Christmas Card and went back to her present problem.

 

Ren would not so much as look at her any longer. While in the past he had been almost blaise to her contempt of him (or just refused to show anything but contempt) he now avoided her like she was poison. He would brew incredibly complex potions during their detentions and left the disciplining to her.

 

Rey found this infuriating but soon found something to occupy her thoughts: crocheting.

 

Her students had handed in their main papers for the Christmas period and Rey had made short work of marking them but that left her at a loss at what to do when alone with Ren. So her old coping tool was as good as any.

 

Before Rey had realised she was a witch, she had been living in the foster care system. Unkar Plutt, a local scrap yard man, would pay money to any kids who could find pieces of engines worth saving. Rey, who even at the age of eleven had been planning her escape, wanted as much money to save so she could go it alone as soon as possible. As a result, every day after school, she would clean and scavenge until her hands were nearly bleeding for the reward of money. Plutt, who was a crook as well as a businessman, never paid her more than a fiver. But it was a fiver closer to freedom.

 

By the time Skywalker came to collect her, she had managed to save about a hundred pounds. Compared to the fortune that the Kenobis had in the Gringotts vault, it was pitiful. And yet Rey had kept that jar of Muggle money. It reminded her how far she had come. Also, she never spent much of the money in the Gringotts vault due to a fear it would vanish as quickly as it had come into her life. She hadn’t really been too poor for her own pet as a girl; she’d just been too scared to buy something unless absolutely essential.

 

It was a fear that never left.

 

Yet Rey was used to using her hands and as a result felt almost bereaved when in times of crisis she couldn’t find any engine pieces. So instead, she learnt from Professor Kanata how to create things from wool. Her nervous hands were occupied once again and she could create something out of nothing.

 

That was a special kind of magic in Rey’s eyes.

 

So when she was charged with overseeing two Hufflepuff girls who had thought it would be a funny prank to let lose some baby Mandrake into the courtyard, instead of her papers, she took out her knitting needles and some red wool. She had been nagging Poe to wear a scarf for ages to no avail so she would simply have to make one herself for him.

 

Ren was busy marking some papers that night. Judging by the scratches and muttering of ‘Morons’ every few minutes, she didn’t foresee many students being overjoyed at receiving their papers back.

 

Rey let the routine of her work distract her.

 

Loop around the stitch, put the wool back around the needle. Repeat until hands are raw.

 

She flicked her eyes up now and again to check on the students.

 

One of the girls, a quite pretty and shy girl with blonde hair, seemed to be continuously looking at Ren. At first, Rey suspected she was nervous of being in the same room as Ren. He was known to be a scary person.

 

But as the night went on, Rey noticed something. The girls cheeks were flushed and she would almost gaze at Ren.

 

Rey nearly dropped a stitch. The girl… she had a crush on him!

 

Rey looked at Ren’s profile in disbelief.

 

How can a man with such a dark reputation inspire that kind of reaction?

 

Ah. Well, maybe she had just answered her own question.

 

Rey had to concede that, though definitely not classically handsome, he had an aura about him that could be seen as magnetic. His angular face wasn’t hideous even with the long pink scar carving it in two. His black eyes were what some might call soulful. His lips looked soft and sensual…

 

Rey did drop a stitch then. Ren was not attractive. She was just overworked and impressionable!

 

The night came to an end and the girls left the room. The blonde girl cast looks over her shoulder at him which he neither noticed or suspected. Rey’s expression became pinched and stern.

 

“What in the name of merlin are you doing?” He snapped when they were alone.

 

Rey blanched and felt confused. Had he spotted Rey’s displeasure or the other girl’s attentions?

 

“What?”

 

“That damn clicking with those… instruments.”

 

Rey furrowed her brows in deeper confusion before realising he meant her knitting.

 

“They are knitting needles. I’m making a scarf.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Why not?”

 

Ren looked at the needles in mistrust. Granted, they were sharp.

 

“Can’t you just cast a spell and make them knit for you? All I've heard these last few hours is incessant clicking!”

 

“I could. But I like to keep my hands occupied. I have nervous hands.”

 

Rey realised this was the most civil conversation that they had ever had together. It didn’t last. Ren looked at her needles one last time, tutted about ‘Muggle hobbies’ and strode out of the dungeon.

 

* * *

 

The Christmas festiveness were now in full swing and Rey had dragged out her box of decorations from her enchanted suitcase. She had received a tree from the House Elves but had insisted on decorating the non-magical way. There were certain things that doing the Magical way actually took some of the magic out of it. The placing of her red and gold ornaments on the branches gave Rey more feeling of the Christmas spirit when she put them on one at a time.

 

The Gryffindor tower was decorated beautifully, thanks to the talents of Lando Calrissian’s wand technique. He even managed to wind a garland around The Wayward Muggle portrait and enchanted some mistletoe above it.

 

It was two and a half days before Han was begging Rey to remove the enchantment.

 

“If I have to watch one more pre-pubescent couple slobbering all over each other because of ‘tradition’ I might just be sick all over this pretty watercolour I’m stuck in!”

 

Lando took his time removing it. Apparently, Han had been getting on his nerves lately and this was his way of getting a little revenge.

 

Even the Slytherins got into the Christmas spirit, albeit with green and black decorations, and with their own dour sense of festive joy.

 

The only room utterly untouched by Christmas was the Dungeon where Potions took place.

 

A little probing to Professor Skywalker revealed this was not unusual.

 

“Kylo has something of an eversion to Christmas. He’s not keen on forced celebrations.”

 

It shouldn’t have surprised Rey and it didn’t as such. But she found herself a little saddened.

 

They were overseeing a detention between two First Year Gryffindors caught out of bed when she, quietly, asked him.

 

“Do you often stay in the castle for Christmas?” Rey herself would be staying behind. Finn and Poe had invited her to the cabin they were staying in at Hogsmeade but Rey knew their hearts weren’t quite in it. Finn and Poe were undoubtedly closer than they had ever been and she had her suspicions as to why. She didn’t fancy being a third-wheel to whatever blossoming element had taken hold of them. Best leave them alone to work it out and tell her when they were on the same page.

 

“Yes.” He replied after a pause.

 

“Don’t you want to see your mother?”

 

“Not particularly.” He added Batspawn to his latest potion a little forcefully.

 

“She would like to see you though.” Rey had seen first hand the pain of separation in the Minister of Magic’s eyes. She’d never understood why she longed to see a son that had caused such hurt. But Rey wasn’t a mother. Maybe the love you feel for your child truly was unconditional.

 

“No. She really wouldn’t.”

 

The conversation came to an end at those words.

 

The next night, Rey popped into the store room to collect some Mistletoe Berries for some more decoration props for the Great Hall. Ren’s shelves were well stored with every ingredient known to man.

 

While looking, her eyes caught a line of bottles all with what looked like the same potion. Picking up the small vials and examining it, she squinted at the small writing in Ren’s italic signature.

 

_Dreamless Sleep Elixir._

 

There must have been at least thirty bottles of the stuff.

 

Rey was still examining it in confusion when a voice broke through her revelry.

 

“Can I help you Professor Kenobi?”

 

Rey nearly dropped the bottle at the sound of Ren’s voice. His enormous frame block out all light from the doorway, leaving her feeling a little trapped in the storeroom cupboard.

 

“I… I need Mistletoe Berries. For the centrepieces for the Yule Ball.”

 

Ren raised an eyebrow. “Think it’s safe to say that those aren’t berries.”

 

Rey scowled and put the bottle back. “Why is there so many brewed? Are you going to be performing classes about it?”

 

Ren reached up higher than Rey could reach and grabbed a box above her head. A musky smell caught her nose. It smelt earthy and a little hypnotic. His scent.

 

The box Ren held out had the Mistletoe Berries she needed.

 

“No. They are my own.”

 

Rey nearly forgot to take the box. Why would he need so much?

 

“Don’t rifle through my cupboards without permission again.” He warned before departing the tiny space. She needed three full minutes before she could walk out.

 

* * *

 

The last week of lessons were quiet and free of incidents so it was a full week before Rey came into contact with Ren again for another detention.

 

Her scarf was nearly finished and quite long. It was a burgundy colour to match Poe’s Gryffindor loyalties. The tap of her needles didn’t seem to bother Ren all that much anymore.

 

The mood between them was odd. The hostility between them seemed to be slowly tapering out. Anger was exhausting for them both it seemed and it seemed a little pointless as they both had to live and work beside one another. And whenever she felt the beginnings of righteous anger towards him, she remember Han. And how similar his facial features were to her father figures. It made her cruel words die away.

 

It was easier for them to be civil to one another if not friendly.

 

The Falcon was a symbolic messenger. Maybe the message carried from one to the other was the offer of an armistice. It was known to happen at Christmas even during war.

 

Yet something changed during that last detention.

 

Rey finished her last stitch and smiled. The scarf was finished and very well made if she said so herself. She went to pick up her quill and then hissed.

 

The knitting needles were hard on the skin between the fingers and she had been so consumed by her work, she didn’t notice the red marks that were forming in between her fingers. Now she was picking up something again, the pain was quite sharp.

 

Ren, who was busy marking, looked up and spotted the worn skin that was an angry red.

 

“You alright, Professor?” Asked James Tublery, a last year Ravenclaw caught in quite a precarious position with his girlfriend on the third floor. The detention would hopefully cool their ardour.

 

“Head down, Tublery!” Ren barked. Rey went to admonish Ren but he was striding to the store cupboard. “Follow me Kenobi.”

 

Rey found herself following albeit reluctantly.

 

The storeroom always seemed smaller when he was in it. Every room felt smaller when he was in it.

 

She stood at the entrance door this time not wanting to be trapped. Ren climbed a ladder and got a pot off the top shelf. It was a clear pot that showed a bluish cream inside. He examined it and slid down the ladder with a grace that Rey found admirable and disconcerting all at once.

 

“Give me your hand.”

 

“It’s fine! It’s just rubbed skin. I can get a plaster-”

 

“No more Muggle quirks from you. If you had just enchanted the needles-”

 

“-it wouldn’t be the same. Some times blood and effort make a gift worthwhile.”

 

Ren stared at her like he didn’t know whether to mock the sentiment or admire it. Either way, he snapped his fingers.

 

“Hand. Now.”

 

Scowling, Rey offered her hand.

 

Her fingers looked tiny, breakable, in his huge hand. His hand could probably cover the entire small of her back. He dipped his fingers into the salves and began working it into her skin.

 

Rey couldn’t deny that the cooling sensation of it was really quite lovely and she couldn’t contain a gasp of relief at the feeling. Ren stiffened but continued his work.

 

Before her eyes, the red skin began to pinken and then whiten. Suddenly her blisters and inflamed fingers were better than ever.

 

“Godric, what is that stuff?”

 

“Skin mending salve I made a few years ago.”

 

“Does Madame Kalonia know about this? She would kill for that in the hospital wing.”

 

“I’ve not the time to brew it on demand.” Ren replied, still massaging it into her fingers.

 

“Just give her the recipe.”

 

“It’s not the same if I don’t brew it.”

 

“Of course(!)”

 

The tingling sensation was travelling up her arm. She wasn’t so sure it was to do with the salve.

 

Ren’s fingers stopped massaging her fingers but he didn’t let go. He didn’t look up either. He didn’t seem to know what to do.

 

Rey pulled her hand away slowly as though not to startle him.

 

“Thanks.” She murmured.

 

“Must be someone nice to warrant marring your fingers for.” He drawled darkly.

 

“Huh?” She asked dumbly.

 

“The scarf.”

 

“Oh. No, not really, it’s just for Poe.”

 

“Dameron?” His eyes narrowed.

 

“Yeah. He’s always flying his broom without dressing for colder conditions.”

 

“Surely his army of fans can post him one by owl.” Ren snapped, putting the salve on the shelf.

 

“It’s the thought that counts.” Rey argued.

 

“Isn’t it just.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll receive a nice present for Christmas-”

 

“I don’t celebrate Christmas. There’s nothing to celebrate. And I haven’t had a present for ten years.”

 

Rey faltered. His tone was resentful and harsh but his eyes…

 

Jesus, they were more alike than she could have imagined.

 

They returned to the classroom and resumed their activities. Ren was so busy trying to avoid her again he did not see her take out her wand and mutter a charm at the wool…

 

Rey waited until the students had left the room before she strode up to Ren and thrust out the scarf.

 

“Here. Happy Christmas.”

 

Ren looked at it as though he didn’t understand. Rey didn’t quite understand either but it felt like the right thing to do. Granted, she had to use a little bit of magic to change the wool from burgundy to emerald green but it still looked good.

 

“What?” He mouthed.

 

“Call it a Christmas present.”

 

“I don’t want your pity-”

 

“It’s not pity. Call it a token then. Everyone should unwrap something at Christmas even if it’s just my handiwork.”

 

She had to push it into his hands but he eventually took it. He was holding it like he’d never seen a scarf before.

 

Or like he’d never experienced kindness before.

 

He didn’t say thank you. Rey didn’t give him the chance. She was out of the room before he could look up.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey let her class out a little earlier the day of the Yule Ball. It seemed like a generous thing to do. Everyone had a lot to do that day. The next morning, most of the castle would be leaving to return home for Christmas and some of the teachers. Not to mention that most girls needed at least three hours to do their hair for the ball.

 

Rey would be meeting Finn and Poe down there and she had a nice bottle of Firewhiskey if they fancied a tipple afterwards. They had to be on their best most responsible behaviour in front of the students. But students went to bed eventually…

 

Rey’s outfit for the night was modest. It was an old red gown borrowed from Professor Pava with a black sash around her tiny waist. It was long and quite plain but it would suffice. Rey wasn’t interested in looking dazzling. She did make an effort with her hair though and braided it. She had learnt a lot from the Minister of Magic regarding hairstyles and braids looked elegant even when pulled into an up-do. By the time she was finished she looked rather nice.

 

Well, she was wearing mascara which was an improvement on her usual beauty regime.

 

The Great Hall was done out beautifully. It truly looked like a winter wonderland. Skywalker and Calrissian knew some decent charms when the occasion arose.

 

The students all looked brilliant. The girls all looked beautiful and the boys dashing. Finn and Poe looked very handsome in their robes and greeted her.

 

“A Christmas miracle: she’s wearing a dress!”

 

“I wear dresses every day.” Rey pointed out.

 

“Under pain of Skywalker’s displeasure, yes.” Finn agreed, handing her a Butterbeer.

 

She took a swig and looked around the hall. Professor Kanata was sat on Chewbacca’s shoulders in order to see properly. Skywalker and Calrissian were conversing. And Ren was in the far corner.

 

Rey gulped clumsily and then took another drink.

 

Her act of generosity played on her mind a little. She never would have foreseen herself ever thinking of Ren’s feelings at this time of year. But she had.

 

That very morning she had looked out of her window down at the grounds and seen Ren walking about. There was a flash of green around his neck. The fact that he publicly wore it made Rey feel a tingling sensation that almost frightened her.

 

His eyes were glancing over the giggling students with a rather bored and haughty look. Then his eyes fell on her and she quickly looked away.

 

Skywalker welcomed all the students and wished them a very Happy Christmas. The first dance was announced and Rey watched proudly as the Head Boy and Girl of each house danced the traditional waltz. Rey had always admired people who could dance. There was a level of grace to it that Rey had never managed and she doubted Finn and hers rendition of the Saturday Night Fever moves at her own ball had been quite so pleasant to watch.

 

Rey watched from the sidelines as the night progressed. The music was light and easy on the ears as several dances, some fast and some slow, took place before her eyes.

 

The sidelines was where she would have stayed too. Had Skywalker not taken to the floor with the Divination professor Mara Jade.

 

“Ah!” Maz mused. “Must be time for the teachers to take to the floor.” The tiny witch nudged Chewbacca. “Come on, You. Let’s see if Wookies move as well as they growl.”

 

Chewie rolled his eyes but took her to the dancefloor all the same.

 

The first dance was actually quite funny. Poe and Finn took to the floor and had the place in hysterics with their version of a Tango. Rey laughed into her drink and enjoyed the view. She mused that maybe one of them might pull her onto the floor for the next dance.

 

“A rather stuffy tradition, isn’t it? Getting teachers to dance.”

 

Rey looked around. Ren had somehow moved around the Hall without her noticing. He was looking over her shoulder at the dancefloor.

 

Rey sighed and looked back. “It’s a good way to promote unity.”

 

“Between houses or in general?”

 

“Both, I suppose.”

 

“Ah. Well then, we better not let the sides down.”

 

Rey looked at his offered hand as though confused as to what he wanted. Then realised: he was asking her to dance.

 

She must have looked like a doe to a hunter.

 

“I… I don’t know how.”

 

“I do. Just follow my lead.”

 

The music started for the next song and before anymore arguments could arise, Ren caught hold of her waist and brought her close to him. Her hand automatically grasped his and she was suddenly gliding to a tune she didn’t recognise but knew she would never forget.

 

The song was suitable for a waltz and meant that there was no reason whatever to pull away from him. Not that she could. His hand held her firm and close against the wall of muscle that lay beneath his black garments.

 

She was trapped between him and the music. A prisoner of his will. Yet for the first time in her life it didn’t feel awful to be out of control. It felt invigorating. Tantalising. Right.

 

The dance forced her to keep eye contact with him throughout. Amazingly she seemed to know where to place her feet although he made it easy to follow. For a man who stomped everywhere and was so awkward, he moved like a prince on the dancefloor.

 

He was a prince on the dancefloor. But she was no damsel. She was a survivor. A fighter.

 

She didn’t want to fight anymore.

 

She wanted to disappear into this moment. Where he held her close, looked at her like he was a man in need of gold and she was the secret of alchemy.

 

Wanted to just look on his face and not feel like she was letting everyone down when she admitted that she knew what the blonde Hufflepuff felt when she looked at him.

 

Understood that need to examine the pattern of freckles and moles. To trace his sharp jaw and strong nose. Meet his soulful eyes.

 

The music stopped at last and they came to a halt. She didn’t want to look away.

 

When the spell broke, she looked around. Everyone was staring at them. With amazement, disbelief and wide eyes.

 

Rey’s cheeks burned at the feeling and she backed away out of the Great Hall.

 

Stepping out into the snowing courtyard, she took deep breaths to calm herself.

 

She didn’t understand. Except she did and didn’t want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are all the Christmas presents I will ever need.


	4. Sensuality in the Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> Gosh, the feedback on the last chapter was so wonderful I felt inspired to write another chapter straight away. I read every single comment and they mean so so much. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
> EDIT: A huge thank you to Rchanscandy and Jess444 for this beautiful sketch of Rey and Ren enjoying her camisole. I don't have Tumblr (nor really get how it works) so if you know her, give her lots of love. The poor girl's cat isn't very well. http://68.media.tumblr.com/ff8cf9728fa5e9607005c07266aff951/tumblr_oip7paTbHx1rtk3umo1_r1_1280.jpg
> 
> Merry Christmas to you all.

Rey spent the morning after the ball helping Finn and Poe pack for their trip to Hogsmeade. She had agreed to come with them just to see the cottage and maybe do some shopping but was still insisting on staying in the castle for Christmas. It would be a solitary affair but Rey never felt lonely in the school. Besides, if it helped Poe and Finn hurry up and realise they were meant to be, then all the better.

 

The boys made a pointed effort of not bringing up the Yule Ball and her spontaneous dance with Ren but she did catch them staring at her from time to time as though they were literally dying to ask her. Rey was grateful for their tact as she wasn’t sure what her answer would be to their question.

 

The courtyard was busy as students climbed into sleighs and loaded their trunks in time to see their families. Friends chatted amongst themselves and promised to write over the holidays. When you were young, two weeks apart feels like an eternity, Rey mused fondly. Finn and herself often met up in London during the holidays. Being Muggleborn, he wasn’t too far away for Rey to get to. And the foster home she lived weren’t too bothered where she went so long as she came back before curfew and didn’t end up in a police cell.

 

If nothing else, the meals provided for Christmas dinner was better than anything she had got back there.

 

Rey bundled herself up in her cloak as she waited for the sleigh to pull away as Poe and Finn chatted amongst themselves. Rey looked across the court absently and caught a flash of darkness.

 

Ren was stood in the alcove of the hall looking out. Looking at her. Rey blinked as though caught doing something she shouldn’t. Her eyes went to his neck. It was wrapped in green wool.

 

He was wrapped in an item she had gifted and created. Possession of him flared in her.

 

The sleigh pulled away and Rey couldn’t help sit up a little and lean forward as though to counteract the movement that was pulling her from him. The sleigh pulled her out of his reach all the same and across the mountains to Hogsmeade.

 

* * *

 

The cottage Poe and Finn were renting was charming. It was quite small but intimate with threadbare furniture, a roaring fire in each room and decorated in holly, candy-canes and the appropriate jollity this time of year demanded.

 

Poe went to put on some tea on the stove, leaving Rey and Finn to nose about the living room.

 

“I would love a house like this one.” Rey mused, touching an ornament on the mantelpiece with gentle fingers.

 

“Really?” Finn asked, sounding sceptical. “I would imagine you staying in Hogwarts forever if you had your way.”

 

“Hmm. That would be nice too. I suppose home is wherever you make it.”

 

“Well, you’ve settled in great, Peanut. All the students love you.”

 

“I don’t want them to love me too much. It just means I’m a pushover otherwise.” Rey was still nervous of showing favouritism and being too lenient on one house and too hard on another.

 

“Nah, they know you’re a hard arse.” Finn joked. “Anyone who could carve Ren’s face in half is worthy of their respect.”

 

Rey stalled. In the past, it had been a feeling of almost pride that she had taken him down. Now, whenever she looked at the scar, she felt the prickling of discomfort. Even shame.

 

Finn noticed her face and looked to the door to make sure Poe was still busy.

 

“Rey… what happened last night?”

 

Rey looked at him with what must have been almost dread. “What do you mean?”

 

“You and Ren… dancing?” It sounded as though even Finn couldn’t believe the words he was saying despite witnessing it first hand.

 

“A lot of teachers danced.” Rey mumbled.

 

“No one danced like that. He was looking at you like...”

 

“Like?”

 

“Like it wasn’t just a dance to him.”

 

Rey spluttered both out of disbelief and a rising feeling of being cornered. “That’s ridiculous. We hate each other.”

 

“You don’t hate him anymore.”

 

Rey looked at Finn. He was completely serious.

 

“How can you-”

 

“Because you were looking at him exactly the same way.”

 

Where the hell is that tea, Rey though absently as she slowly sat down in an armchair.

 

“I don’t know what's happening or if anything even could happen. But please Peanut. Think it through and be cautious. He’s walked down dark paths. Don’t let him use your light to lead him down anymore.”

 

Then Poe hollerred from the kitchen “Who wants sugar?!” and nothing more was said.

 

* * *

 

Rey left the cottage after an hour, deflecting Finn’s last attempt of an invitation. She wished them a Merry Christmas and then trotted off for some much needed time alone.

 

Hogsmeade at Christmas was something of a tradition to her. She would soak up the snowy atmosphere as she dipped in and out of the shops. That normally meant buying enough sweets from Honeydukes to make her feel sick until New Years.

 

She did pop into Honeydukes (she had a hankering for some Chocolate Frogs and a packet of Fudge Flies) but also explored other shops that she normally did not take much of an interest in. She popped into the cauldron shop, the book shop and even into the hairdressers. When some fussy witch started tutting about the state of her hair (‘ _tying it in three buns will give you so many split ends’)_ she quickly escaped.

 

Rey always gifted herself one decent present at Christmas. She had ever since she was a child. When no presents ever turned up from the family she always longed to return, she decided to gift herself one instead. And, for once, it didn’t matter how impractical.

 

She had advanced obviously from Muggle books and sweets to more mature purchases but this year she struggled a bit. There was nothing she really wanted. Her cauldron was in good nick, her broomstick was recently serviced and nothing else was catching her eye.

 

She eventually trudged into Gladrags Wizardwear without much purpose. She could maybe get some new socks for herself.

 

There were several cloaks and robes that looked smart but didn’t inspire Rey’s interest. Dressed as she was, in her Muggle trainers and jeans, she could have passed for one of the students today.

 

While looking through the underwear section for some practical boy-shorts, she spotted a white camisole and matching knickers set. Brushing her fingers over it, she noted how soft it felt. It wasn’t Rey’s style at all; far too fussy for everyday use and seemed too feminine. Yet her eyes kept flicking back to it…

 

* * *

 

Rey re-entered the grounds of the school when it was completely dark. The quietness of the place was slightly haunting to Rey. Without at least three quarters of the students, the place almost had an echo to it. With what little she purchased in her charmed satchel, she made her way through the entrance.

 

Christmas was two days away and she wanted to start to prepare a cocoon for herself. She would spend the next few days resting, writing letters, drinking hot chocolate and reading her favourite Muggle Christmas book ‘A Christmas Carol’.

 

Rifling through her bag, she was passing the Great Hall entrance when she nearly walked into someone.

 

Someone who often resembled a bat.

 

“I thought you’d left.” The shadow said almost bitterly. Rey blinked up at Ren and then shock her head.

 

“I only wanted to see where Poe and Finn were staying. I came back.”

 

His dark eyes examined her face as though to see if she was lying. She reasoned that her presence in front of him made that a little redundant.

 

“I would have thought you wished to be as far removed from me as possible.” He quipped. “You were certainly in a hurry to disappear last night.”

 

Rey flushed and her cheeks felt unbearably hot. “Everyone was staring.”

 

“They carried on staring even after you left.”

 

The old prickling of shame came back to Rey. She hadn’t thought of anything except escape that last night. Which meant that Ren’s feelings at being abandoned had been subsequently dismissed.

 

“I apologise. That was insensitive.” Rey managed formally. “I didn’t mean to cause you hurt.”

 

“You didn’t hurt me.” Ren snapped in disgust. A little too defensively if you asked Rey.

 

“Then why are we fighting again?” Rey asked plaintively.

 

A pause. “Because we don’t know any other way.” Ren finally offered.

 

Rey nodded. That sounded more truthful. She looked down at his neck. It still sported the green wool. Ren followed her eyes down and his freckles became more pronounced as he looked embarrassed and shy.

 

How can a six foot three ex-Death Eater possibly look so awkward and bashful without looking comical? If Rey was honest… it was sweet.

 

“Have you thought about what you are doing for Christmas?” Rey asked.

 

“Same as I always do: make potions, eat dinner, mark papers, go to bed.”

 

“But that’s just tragic.” Rey argued before she could stop herself. Ren’s eyes narrowed.

 

“It will do.”

 

This time Rey was left by the Great Hall entrance, looking on as though she wanted to give chase.

 

* * *

 

Rey sat in front of her fire in her apartments and watched the flames dance. The crackling of the logs lulled her into a half sleep. Yet her mind had too much to chew over for that sort of rubbish.

 

Why didn’t he spend the day with his Uncle? Professor Skywalker had given his nephew shelter so he couldn’t be totally without feeling for him. Or why didn’t he travel by Flu Powder to see his mother? He wouldn’t have to leave her home if he was worried about being seen. But Rey knew already that he wouldn’t do that. He was too proud for that.

 

The similarities in the pair were becoming more pronounced by the day. Both were skilled but ultimately ended up alone every time.

 

What use was magic when you had no-one to share it with?

 

Sighing, she picked up her enchanted satchel and sorted through the items she’d bought in Hogsmeade.

 

Her fingers stilled when it brushed against the last item. The white camisole and knickers.

 

She had no idea what had possessed her to buy it but to be the owner of such a feminine set of under-things had been quite enticing.

 

Slowly she began to strip off her jeans, jumper and other clothing. And slipped on the white camisole and knickers.

 

Going to the floor length mirror, she scrutinized herself. It was probably the designers intentioned that whoever wore this would be a little more curvaceous but Rey didn’t mind. She had always been quite boyish in her figure with small breasts, prominent collarbones, a tight bottom and long legs. She wasn’t rapturous about her figure but wasn’t really ashamed of it either. It was quite impressive at times. She liked knowing that she was sharp and agile enough to duel like the best of them and could run a long way without needing to stop for breath.

 

The softness of it felt oddly sensual against Rey’s body and she could feel her nipples hardening and pebbling visibly through the white material.

 

Lying down on her bed, she let her eyes drift closed as the material gripped her body.

 

Then a thought came into her head uninvited: ‘Would Ren like her like this?”

 

She gasped at the thought and the implications. Yet her breasts felt almost swollen and the knickers were starting to dampen at the thought. At the thought of him examining her in such obvious feminine garments.

 

_Of his deep brown eyes turning completely black. Of the contrast they would make: her small and clothed in white skimpy cotton, him donning his black robes and leather gloves as the cool leather tickled the inner skin on her thighs as he pushed the gusset of her knickers aside…_

 

Rey didn’t think, didn’t even want to think, as she let her hand slip to where she imagined his hand would have gone. She whimpered almost pathetically at the feeling. It had been so long since she had felt any inclination to do this.

 

_His lips, they would be soft on hers, soft on her neck and breasts. Until they weren’t. Until he begins to nibble and suckle and bruise. She’d let him. It was only fair. She’d marked him. Let him mark her._

 

Rey felt like breathing was harder but kept going, massaging her breasts with her free hand.

 

_There would be too many clasps on his damn black garments. She’d lose patience. Press the tip of her wand to his throat and drag it down. The material would fall apart as though attacked with a knife. He’d be indignant. She’d silence him with a kiss. And by slipping her hand inside the only thing separating them from where she wanted to be._

 

She was building up higher almost too fast. She didn’t want it to end so soon. She wanted to indulge, to tease herself. But it was coming and she sped the fantasy up.

 

_He’d be rough with her but wouldn’t hurt her. She would be too wanting for it to hurt. She’d egg him on. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands pulling his hair. He’d grit his teeth like it hurt. Good. She wanted it to hurt. She wanted payback for how he’d made her feel. But then he would pull out, flip her over onto her hands and knees and re-enter her sopping wet channel. And the new position would break her fight. She’d arch her back and pant and squirm and moan and promise him anything, anything, but please. don’t. Stop!_

 

Rey did arch her back as the feeling took hold of her. Oh, it was good. It was so very good. She gave a strangled cry as the thought of him watching her made it all the stronger.

 

When she was slumped back onto her coverlet, sated yet dozy, the implications of what she’d just done and what she’d imagined as she did it came back to her.

 

She started to tremble.

 

This was getting out of control. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It couldn’t happen.

 

Stripping out of the camisole and knickers, she took a long hot shower to clear her head. Afterwards she sat down (back in her old oversized Quiddich World Cup 2009 t-shirt and flannel bottoms) and thought it over rationally.

 

It was probably just a fleeting fancy that would flicker and die as quickly as it was born. No need to get hysterical. Besides she knew first hand that sex was rarely that wonderful.

 

She’d only had two boyfriends in her life and that had been more a sense of duty than any real attraction. They had both been Quiddich players and were sweet and brave in their own right. Both had been introduced by Poe. Yet when it came the time to go to bed, Rey always been left feeling distinctly unsatisfied. Neither of them had been bad at sex even and there had been times when she had enjoyed a particular trick of theirs but it always ended with them panting like they’d run a marathon and her lying there thinking ‘Is that it?’.

 

Neither relationship had lasted longer than three months. Since then, she had simply concluded that maybe she wasn’t meant for sex and relationships.

 

Maybe she’d got the sex part wrong.

 

She slept that night with a feeling of conflict and anticipation for something she didn’t even know.

 

* * *

 

Christmas Eve was spent mainly in the Great Hall for Rey. There was a choir singing Christmas carols and even the ghosts were having a good old sing-song. Master Yoda kept unintentionally providing a few laugh by getting the words muddled: “Dreaming of a white Christmas, I am, hmm.”

 

That would be on next years cards no doubt, Rey giggled to Professor Skywalker, who chuckled in turn.

 

Ren was nowhere to be seen and some gentle questioning to Professor Skywalker revealed he tended to work his hardest during the Christmas break.

 

“Oh, he does come out of the dungeons for Christmas Dinner. No-one can resist the house elves famous Chocolate Yule Log.” He reassured. “But other than that, I doubt I will see much of him.”

 

Rey fiddled with her robe. “Why don’t you get him a Christmas present?”

 

Her tone was a little accusatory but Skywalker didn’t seem to take offence.

 

“The last time I tried that, three years ago actually, he set fire to it when I refused to take it back. Since then I’ve not attempted it. It seems a little foolhardy to persist. Not to mention a fire hazard.”

 

“But why?”

 

“Because Ren has hidden depths. He may portray himself as a caricature, as Vader’s descendant, but underneath… there are certain things that require forgiveness. Of himself and of others. He hasn’t come far enough. And as a result, he rejects happy occasions. Because it means joining the real world. And taking a break from his self-imposed punishments.”

 

Rey could only nod.

 

“You are not so harsh on him as you used to be, Rey. I am pleased about that.”

 

Rey played with her robe some more. “Peace comes with a balance, doesn’t it?”

 

“It does, doesn’t it.” Skywalker gave something close to a crooked smile. “Maybe he would be more susceptible to joining the festivities if it were you that invited him to participate.”

 

“Me?” Rey squeaked.

 

“Don’t underestimate your own influence Rey. I think you have the potential to bring about a balance to his life that he never anticipated.”

 

Skywalker walked on down the hall, leaving Rey to stand and contemplate his words.

 

* * *

 

It was nightfall before Rey walked down to the dungeons. Her footsteps echoed in the hollow damp space and the occasional drip of far off water seemed louder with the absence of other people. The torches that lit the way gave the tunnels an eeriness to them that she had never been fond of.

 

The Potions room was silent save for the scratching of a quill coming from the desk at the top of the class. Rey studied his bent head before clearing her throat.

 

Ren looked up and his eyes widened to see who had paid him a visit.

 

“There is no detention tonight.” He pointed out.

 

“No. But old habits die hard I suppose.”

 

“Can’t you read a book or something?” He mumbled looking down at his papers again.

 

“The library is locked. It is Christmas Eve.”

 

“Is it now?” He replied not sounding the least bit interested.

 

Rey stood awkwardly and wondered how she could make her offer. Then decided that passive aggressive snark or arguing wasn’t going to help much this time.

 

“I don’t want you to spend the holidays alone.”

 

Ren stopped writing, put down the quill and looked at her. Really looked at her.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because you’re lonely. And you wish you weren’t.”

 

Ren got up abruptly and strode around his desk. “Just because you’ve taken it into your head to be the Christmas Visitor doesn’t mean you know anything about me.”

 

“But I do! We’ve spent nearly every night together for two months! It doesn’t matter how this started. It’s about what it is now.”

 

“And what is it now?” Ren demanded lowly. He was barely two feet away from her now. He may as well have been two inches.

 

“I… I don’t know. But you don’t hate me like you used to.”

 

“I _never_ hated you.” Ren protested then looked like he wished that he hadn’t.

 

Rey blinked. “But… but why not?”

 

“Fuck me if know, but I never did. You were only a girl when I first met you. How could I hate a child?”

 

Rey remembered herself as she was during that interrogation. Aged only sixteen, trying to be stronger than she really was and convinced she was going to die a horrible death. Looking at him, trying to comprehend how her enemy could look so human and normal. How he could have moles and freckles and slightly uneven teeth.

 

She was twenty-one now. She was a woman.

 

“I’m not a child anymore.” She pointed out.

 

Ren’s eyes darkened. “Trust me, I have noticed.”

 

That old familiar heat was between them and growing hotter. Of all the men in the world, why him? Why him?

 

He was closer now. Just a foot away.

 

“Why are you really here Rey? What do you want from me?”

 

Half a foot away.

 

“The same thing you want.”

 

A flash in his eyes. A rumble of understanding. And a collision of mouths.

 

He moved first. Rey would swear it on any magical law enforcement book placed before her. She would omit the fact that she moved half a second later.

 

His hand was holding the back of her neck in grip that threatened to bruise. As though she may escape. She didn’t want to escape. She wanted to keeping kissing him.

 

His mouth was magic itself. So soft even during a kiss that promised hardness and pent up anger. His taste was enough to make Rey moan into his mouth and open her lips in invitation. Come inside, gift me a taste of that harsh tongue, I’ll meet you with mine like always.

 

The invitation was taken and Rey sampled him like a delicacy.

 

They kissed like they fought: without restraint. Rey buried her hands in his hair. Ren slid his hands down her body. At one point, he picked her up by her small bum and sat her on one of the desks. Rey would have disliked the manhandling but he was right between her thighs now, with his desire rubbing right against hers and, oh, she wasn’t going to fight that at all!

 

There was a voice that sounded eerily like her younger self that was screaming at her to stop. Push him away. The younger self that thought she knew it all. But really knew nothing at all.

 

It was when he pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers, that he said the words.

 

“Let me come to you. Tonight.”

 

Rey let out a shaky breath.

 

This was a bad idea. A terrible idea. They had to work side by side. If things had been difficult in the past, it would be impossible if they actually… did this.

 

The past had not changed. But the past was where it belonged.

 

“Please. I can’t sleep for dreaming of you. I can’t think. I can’t work. I need… something.” Ren begged.

 

The bottles of _Dreamless Sleep…_ Oh Godric, it really hadn’t been her.

 

She pulled back so she was looking him right in the eye.

 

“One night.”

 

Ren nodded. “One night. And then never again if you wish it.”

 

One night to scratch the itch. The sate it or prove to herself that he was no different from other men.

 

Rey nodded and pushed off the table. “Come to my room at midnight. Use the backstairs.”

 

Then Rey turned and dashed out before he could protest or she could change her mind.

 

* * *

 

Rey had to down two glasses of mulled wine before she could stop shaking.

 

She didn’t know what to do. She had a long time before midnight. She showered, got changed, ate a mince pie, picked up a book, put down the book, picked it up again and generally fidgeted.

 

The clock seemed to refuse to tick forward. And then all of a sudden… it was five minutes to twelve and Rey couldn’t have been less ready in all her life.

 

The knock at her door came anyway.

 

With all her Gryffindor courage, she opened the door and peered out.

 

Ren was stood outside like a messenger undercover. Rey ushered him in as quickly as she could.

 

“Did anyone see you?” She whispered once her door was closed again.

 

“No-one. I came up the backstairs. Everyone is asleep.”

 

Rey was tempted to ask if she had passed the Gryffindor common room but now was really not the time. She doubted it anyway. He would have probably have rather climbed the tower itself than go past it.

 

Rey found herself stuck as what to do or what to say.

 

“Merry Christmas.” She whispered instead.

 

He responded with a kiss to her lips. It was utterly different from their first. This one was of gentle promise.

 

Silently, she took his hand and led him into her bedroom.

 

Rey felt an odd flush of consciousness over her modest bedroom. All her items were threadbare and more cosy than opulence. He was the son of the most powerful family in the Wizarding world. He was probably used to silk sheets and marble ornaments. Not patchwork quilts and things she had dug out of Muggle charity shops.

 

Rey crushed the feeling down. He was here for her and all she entailed. If he didn’t like it, the door was the way he’d just come.

 

Ren didn’t seem at all arsed about the interior. He was looking at her and her alone.

 

Sitting on the bed, she tried to sound confident. “How do you want to do this?”

 

“Let’s keep the talking to a minimum. This is weird enough as it is.” Ren offered, not unkindly. “Unless I do something you don’t like or want me to stop. Just say the word then and I will.”

 

Rey nodded.

 

The kisses they exchanged sitting on her bed were oddly shy and chaste but not unpleasant. It had an almost calming effect on Rey. To see him not entirely in his element as she was did more to calm her than if he had stripped his clothes off immediately and promised to have her in sixteen positions before breakfast.

 

They soon regained their confidence and their kisses became more passionate.

 

The feeling of him pushing her robes off her shoulders sent a jolt through her. This was really happening… and she wanted it.

 

Her clothes were discarded down to her under-things when he stopped and stared. Rey wondered if it was a mistake to wear the camisole and knickers beneath her clothing. Would he laugh at her? Believe she was trying too hard?

 

He dove down to kiss her with purpose. His hands stroking down her body as though he couldn’t believe she was really there.

 

“Beautiful. So beautiful.” He mouthed against her skin.

 

 

Rey grasped his shoulders. Between her legs, she could feel his hard manhood rubbing where she needed it so desperately. His entire body covered hers. She loved how it shielded her. Almost protecting her with its width.

 

His clothes took longer to take off and Rey’s imaginings of ripping them from his frame came true in part. Although she relied on her own hands rather than her wand.

 

Soon they were both bare and pressed against one another.

 

His lips trailed lower down her body and Rey could not help but squirm at the feeling. He seemed intent on teasing her. She didn’t know whether she hated it or wanted it never end.

 

There was a purpose of his lips teasing down her stomach though. Rey held her breath as he kissed and licked at her pubic bone and along the inside of her thighs.

 

By the time he finally put his plump lips to use against her own lower lips, she was nearly sobbing with relief.

 

Rey had promised that she would be quiet and dignified throughout. That went out of the window quickly. She didn’t know what he was doing with his lips and tongue but it had never felt like this before. Her fingers wound into his hair and pulled in reaction to his movements. The groan it inspired from him reverberated up her core.

 

She nearly considered threatening him with her wand when he crawled up her body when she was so close to her release. But then spotted how red and pulsing his manhood was. The tip was wet with his own need.

 

He was thick and longer than she was used to. It had been well over two years since she had last had sex.

 

“Please go slow.” She whispered as he positioned the head against her.

 

“I will. I promise.”

 

The air felt like it was squeezed from her lungs as he worked himself into her body. She was wetter than she had ever been in her life yet it still took her a few moments to get used to the intrusion. Rey felt oddly amused when she noticed that the base sheet on her bed was tearing under Ren’s grip. But he stayed still as he promised.

 

Eventually, she twined her legs around his waist and nodded. “Go on.”

 

The movement of his hips touched her insides in ways never before. Rey closed her eyes as she let the feeling roll over her. This was not going to her plan. This was meant to prove to her that her fantasies of Ren in her bed would be a let down. He wasn’t… oh Merlin, he wasn’t meant to make her feel this way this quickly.

 

Her pleas to go slow didn’t last very long. Soon she was requesting the complete opposite. Quite emphatically.

 

Sweat was breaking out over both their bodies and the muscles in Ren’s arm were more prominent from the exertion.

 

By the time Rey was close, Ren was pistoning into her body without restraint and Rey was sure her nails would add to Ren’s scars along his shoulders. The end, when it came, was messy, noisy and nothing like Rey had experienced.

 

He collapsed beside her breathing heavily. Her state matched his.

 

Rey felt exhausted and found herself dozing. When she woke it was about an hour later. Ren was still in her bed and fast asleep. From her place in bed, she could see the snow falling outside of her window.

 

It was only meant to be one night, Rey mused. She didn’t need to be a Seer to know that it was a promise that she would be unlikely to keep.

 

* * *

 

Rey woke to the sight of a sleeping Kylo Ren curled up beside her. He looked young in sleep. Innocent even. And he snored softly.

 

Rey tiptoed out of bed and picked up her discarded clothes. She tried to be noiseless as the ghosts of the school as she left the bedroom.

 

She dressed in the living room. It was then that Rey realised: it was Christmas Day.

 

She’d had many presents in her life. None was quite so bizarre as the gift she’d unwrapped the night before.

 

It was an hour later and several cups of tea before Ren left her bedroom. He was fully dressed again and looked as imposing as ever. Which clashed with the look of awkwardness on his face.

 

Silence hung between them like a Christmas garland.

 

“So,” Rey began, “at least that’s an improvement on our usual conversations.”

 

Ren narrowed his eyes a little and Rey looked down feeling embarrassed. Merlin, she was bad at this.

 

“Well, at least we explored it. We can move on now.” She offered.

 

Ren didn’t say anything for a few beats. Then spoke.

 

“I don’t want to move on.”

 

Rey looked up at him.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“I don’t want to move on. I want to do it again.”

 

Rey knew she must look feckless to the highest degree but it didn’t matter in comparison to her confusion.

 

“We… we agreed. One night. One night and then we-”

 

“I know what we agreed. And I thought that would be enough. But its not. It would never have been.”

 

Rey took several deep breaths to try and regain some control. “Look, this… this can’t go any further. We don’t like each other. It can’t work beyond last night.”

 

“Says who?” Ren demanded.

 

“Says me! Says common sense!” Rey shrieked.

 

“Can you honestly say that you didn’t enjoy last night? That you don’t want that feeling again?”

 

Rey closed her eyes. Because, yes, it had been… beyond what she had prepared for.

 

“I’m not having this conversation.” She managed. “I kept my side of the bargain. Now you keep yours.”

 

Ren stepped closer to her and Rey was beginning to feel flustered at just his dark eyes on her.

 

He bent down so his face was level with hers. His breath tickled her face and his lips were close enough to touch with her own.

 

She was about to close her eyes when he whispered:

 

“We’ll see.”

 

Her face flamed hot and angry as he then turned on his heel and left her apartments.

 

* * *

 

Rey entered the Great Hall at two o’clock to indulge in the Christmas Dinner. This was her favourite part of Christmas and she intended to enjoy it. The food always made her mouth water: goose fat roast potatoes, creamy mash, pigs in blankets, parsnips, sprouts and beef gravy all topped off with turkey big enough to feed a small country. She was almost always stuffed by the time dessert was served but she still forced down some Christmas pudding with custard. It was tradition to eat until she was close to being sick.

 

There weren’t many students left this year and they all sat at one table. Even the Gryffindors and Slytherins seemed to be passing the carrots quite civilly. Maybe this house unity thing was paying off.

 

Professor Skywalker greeted her warmly and bid her sit down. Maz Kanata was throwing bits of turkey in the air and clapping as Chewie caught it with his mouth. Lando Calrissian was chatting happily with Mon Mathma who tended to return to the castle for Christmas each year. Rey sat down at the table and started to fill her plate.

 

She was half way through her meal when she felt his presence.

 

Ren sat down at the end of the table away from everyone.

 

“No, Ren.” Skywalker announced. “Not this year. Come and join us.”

 

Ren looked at his uncle as though he’d lost his mind. “I’d prefer not to.”

 

“It’s Christmas. You shouldn’t be alone.”

 

Rey toyed with her food. She knew that would come and bite her on the arse.

 

Ren differed for a little while longer then sighed and came closer. Which meant he took the seat next to hers.

 

Skywalker, clearly pleased with his progress, went back to his conversation with Master Yoda’s ghost.

 

For a few minutes, Ren and Rey didn’t exchange a word. Rey made sure her mouth was full at all times.

 

“ _I know you want it to happen again.”_

 

Rey whipped around at Ren. His mouth was full and chewing his food. His eyes were trained on his plate.

 

“ _Just admit it.”_

 

Rey swallowed. He was using Legilimency to speak to her. And he was too powerful to block out.

 

“ _I’m not having this conversation.”_ Rey pushed back through this new formed bond that allowed them to communicate without speaking. She wasn’t even aware that this could be done without invading the other’s mind. But he wasn’t in her head. Just ringing in her ears.

 

“ _Tough.”_

 

Rey stabbed a sprout with unnecessary force.

 

“ _You enjoyed last night. I was there. I know. And I know you want it again. I can feel it pulsing out of you.”_

 

Rey closed her eyes at his voice, smooth like honey and with the promise of forbidden pleasures.

 

“ _It was… enjoyable. But it’s over and we have to move on.”_

 

“ _Why exactly? What harm would it do to… indulge?”_

 

Rey squeezed her legs together. Despite her best attempts, she was getting very wet very quickly.

 

“ _What did you like best, Rey?”_ He continued to taunt, “ _My hands on your sweet little tits? My breath on your neck? My tongue on your clit?”_

 

“ _Shut up. Shut up!”_

 

Suddenly it wasn’t words but an image she was seeing. She was seeing herself as he had seen her. Prone beneath him, panting, sweating, hair wild, mouth running away with her with wanton demands.

 

“ _How am I ever going to get that out of my head?”_ he questioned.

 

Rey’s hand was shaking. He was the devil himself when it came to temptation.

 

Then suddenly she dropped her fork altogether. Ren’s hand had slid down under the table and was tracing the inside of her thigh.

 

“ _What are you-”_

 

“ _Tell me to stop. Tell me you don’t want this, don’t want me, and I’ll stop. I’ll never bother you again. I'll never speak of it. It will be our secret.”_

 

Rey’s mouth worked dumbly, both in reality and in her mind. No words to stop him came forward.

 

Instead, her legs parted further.

 

She could practically hear his smirk.

 

His hand teased her thigh and began to glide higher under her skirt. Rey’s eyes darted around. No one was looking at either of them but they could be caught any moment. The Christmas cloth over the teacher’s table covered what Ren was doing but her face was beginning to burn and anyone who was paying attention would know instantly that Ren wasn’t massaging a cramp.

 

Rey’s breath caught as his fingers teased the gusset of her knickers.

 

“ _So wet. Is this all for me?”_

 

Rey didn’t know whether to grab her knife and stab him in the hand or grab his hand and shove it where it was needed.

 

He truly was a mind reader. His fingers hooked her knickers and pushed it to the side.

 

How Rey stopped herself from crying out she wasn’t quite sure. His fingers glided up and down her slit.

 

The danger was making her climb higher much quicker. Rey was nearly shaking with need.

 

Just a bit more. Please. More. More.

 

She was going to cum. She was…

 

Ren pulled his hand away and calmly stood up.

 

“Are you leaving already, Ren?” Skywalker asked when he saw his nephew stand.

 

“I think so.”

 

“But you haven’t had any pudding yet.” Maz pointed out.

 

“That’s alright. I’m pretty full.” Then he put his fingers to his mouth and casually sucked them clean.

 

Rey had to wait a full five minutes to get her fury under control. And to regain some kind of composure over her appearance. Eventually she excused herself claiming to need the loo.

 

She was running down the steps to the dungeon before she could think it through.

 

She was going to kill him. Actually maim him.

 

She slammed open the door to the dungeon. He was sat at his desk. Waiting for her.

 

“What the hell was that?” She demanded.

 

He raised an eyebrow. She strode up to him, ready to slap his smug face. Instead she grabbed his head and smashed her mouth to his.

 

She never dreamt she would have sex on the desk of the Potions classroom.

 

It was quick, wild and rough. Just what Rey wanted. It should have felt wrong. Yet as soon as Ren slid home into her again, it felt nothing except utterly completely right.

 

* * *

 

“So where do we go from here?” Ren asked. They were lying on Rey’s rug next to the fire. Their clothes were askew and the sweat had long since dried on the skin. Apparently a refectory period didn’t really come into play when you’d gone without for nearly a decade.

 

“I’ve no idea.” Rey admitted, her head on Ren’s chest. The thump of his heart against her ear was oddly soothing to Rey. “I don’t even understand what’s happening between us. But we need to keep it quiet.”

 

“Quiet?”

 

“Please. I need… I need time to get my head around this. I don’t want anyone else involved.”

 

Ren sighed. “Fine. I’ll take what I can get.”

 

Rey turned her head to kiss his chest in a gesture she hoped would be comforting.

 

This was ludicrous. This was insane. It could be a shortcut toward disaster. It might even compromise their jobs if Skywalker took a dislike to it. But it still felt right.

 

Letting herself doze, Rey couldn’t deny that this was definitely a memorable Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are my joy and worth a thousand presents.


	5. A Conversation Too Long Delayed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas guys. 
> 
> The response for this little play on my two favourite worlds is amazing. I can't thank you all enough. It's so flattering to me. 
> 
> A massive thank you once again to Jess444 who commissioned another lovely piece of art for my last chapter. The link and image are in the last chapter. If you know the artist, please pay her a visit. I don't have the link to her profile unfortunately. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The days after Christmas and into the New Year were oddly peaceful. In a bizarre, I'm-sleeping-with-the-man-I-tried-to-stupefy-into-the-wall-just-two-months-ago kind of way. With no classes and a lack of students to act as witnesses, it was quite easy to secret herself away with Ren. Her excuse to the teachers was a need to recharge away from her classes and spend some indulging in more Muggle activities. Such as crocheting, reading Muggle fiction and riding her lover into the cushions of her sofa.

 

Every night about eight o’clock, when they both wouldn’t be missed, Ren would sneak up the backstairs and knocking three times on Rey’s portrait (a rather prim and amused looking lioness) would be ushered into her rooms. He’d stay there overnight and then creep out about eight o’clock in the morning so they could attend breakfast separately.

 

Rey tried not to think about the situation in too great a depth. It would have only given her a migraine. So much had changed between them and yet at the same time nothing at all. He was still the man she had considered her enemy for so many years and had still done terrible things. Yet now she knew that he was lonely, knew that he slept better on his side in an almost foetal position and had a touch far too gentle for a man of such reputation.

 

It was awkward between them. They hadn’t argued for days and were being stiff and almost overly polite to each other. They couldn’t do a conversation naturally that didn’t involve trading insults so kept their chatting to whether the other would like something to drink or whether there was anything they could get each other. The only time they were uninhibited and natural with each other were when their naked bodies entwined.

 

The last night before the holidays came to an end and the students and teachers returned to the school was a difficult one for Rey. She was full of nerves and had a racing mind. Which made Ren’s ability to sleep peacefully beside her all the more insane.

 

She took out her knitting needles and put her nervous hands to use. She had just finished three lines of purple wool when Ren broke her trance.

 

“How do you do that?”

 

Rey suppressed a gasp at his voice (she thought he was asleep) and looked at him. His head was in her pillow and his black eyes trained on her hands.

 

“Do what?”

 

“That. Knitting. Without magic.”

 

Rey looked down at her hands. Something that always baffled her was his seeming interest in Muggle things. For a man who fought on the side of Pure Blood fanatics, he seemed genuinely intrigued by how they worked. Mainly because it all looked so much harder that just waving a wand (which was true).

 

He was brought up almost entirely in the Wizarding world, staying with his mother within Ministry quarters until he was sent to Hogwarts. His parents, who had a rocky marriage, were often apart. The International Statute of Secrecy made a shared home-life with both parents almost impossible. Especially as Leia had political ambitions and was busy making them come to fruition. From what Han and Leia told her, his father was a sporadic influence in his life and his mother barely present to be much more.

 

It would have encouraged his desire to immerse himself into the Wizarding community and reject any Muggle blood in his veins.

 

Yet he didn’t seem to discriminate against Rey’s Muggle traits. Maybe because she was a Half Blood like him (Pure Blood father and Muggle mother) and maybe because he didn’t want to bite the hand that fed him. Either way he’d seemed quite appreciative of her in Muggle jeans. But that was probably due to the way they hugged her bum.

 

Looking down at her hands, she shrugged.

 

“It’s not that difficult. More repetitive than difficult. It’s the same trick over and over again. You just...” And Rey found herself showing a six foot three wizard how to knit a scarf.

 

Ren watched her fingers as she showed him what to do and soon was leaning his cheek against her shoulder. A gentle kiss pressed to the skin nearly made Rey drop a stitch.

 

She wasn’t used to this. This quiet calm that sometimes fell between them. Like the battles of the past were just background noise. She didn’t know how to deal with it. She didn’t know why it made her feel so safe.

 

In a fit of energy, Rey dumped the knitting onto the floor by the bed and pushed Ren onto his back. He seemed surprised but wasn’t going to argue. Rey threw herself into a kiss and let the familiar blank feeling take over her brain. Ren pulled her onto his lap and Rey could only groan as his manhood slid against her. It seemed like he’d been ready for quite a while.

 

In the act of sex, Rey felt like the balance was restored. How long she could keep the scale level was another thing all together.

 

* * *

 

The students began to re-enter the school the next morning and by six o’clock the place was teaming with noise, laughter and chatter. Finn and Poe came back into the castle looking contented and bashful. Rey assumed that meant their little cottage getaway had been a success.

 

The lessons resumed soon after and Rey was back in her element teaching the pupils the best way to combat Boggarts. And it also meant the detentions resumed.

 

Now that the school was occupied and busy again, Rey had urged Ren not to come to her rooms so much if necessary. Ren never went up to the Gryffindor tower and she didn’t want questions being raised if he was seen wandering about up there.

 

January was spent making sure they were the image of respectability and teacherly grace in public and during the detentions.

 

Rey actually liked that they could revert back to their sarcastic and challenging relationship for the sake of appearances. It was staggering to her but she had actually missed it.

 

Rey would mark her papers, Ren would brew a potion, the students in detention would work on the task provided and they would generally glare at one another if they caught the others eye.

 

It worked well and no-one was any the wiser that as soon as the students were gone, Rey would be pressed up against the wall, with her robes hiked up and Ren working a steady rhythm into her body. Foreplay wasn’t necessary – they’d been ready for hours.

 

It was a month that Rey didn’t struggle quite so much with herself. Their relationship could be categorised as being purely physical as they rarely had any time to talk. She tried to ignore how she missed Ren’s presence in her bed, or how Ren sometimes looked at her as though about to say something but then said nothing. Or how the stores of Dreamless Sleep potion hadn’t ceased to be brewed.

 

She had contemplated telling Poe and Finn but every time talked herself out of it. Their animosity towards Ren hadn’t simmered down in any way. In fact, Ren seemed to be more abrasive than ever in his encounters with the two boys. Almost like he’s looking for a fight, Poe mused over dinner one night.

 

Rey put her head down to cover her burning ears.

 

February brought a new era of sorts. BB8 delivered a paper of the Daily Prophet and Rey read with wide-eyes that a revolution Minister Leia Organa-Solo had been trying to bring about for years had finally come to pass.

 

The prison of Azkaban had been making use of Dementors for a number of decades as a form of terrible prison guards for the inmates. Dementors were some of the vilest creatures in Rey’s eyes and the reason she wanted her students to learn the Patronus as soon as possible. The Minister shared her opinion and had lobbied to get them off the island for years. Law breakers needed to be punished but not to the point where it was inhumane. After a long and almost endless battle, Leia had won.

 

The Dementors were to be banished.

 

Rey was delighted for her mentor and when she went down to the breakfast table all the teachers were of the same mindset. Except Ren.

 

Sitting alone at the end of the table, he ate his breakfast with an expression of tension stamped on his face.

 

For the first time, Rey initiated a conversation in public with him.

 

“The Minister has outdone herself. This is a really good thing.” She offered, tentatively.

 

Ren looked at the paper with her moving photo at the forefront and then back at Rey. His eyes always seemed to see her soul. To say so much. She wanted to look round to make sure no one saw what they saw in her.

 

“It’s a bloody disaster.”

 

Rey had expected many reactions but not that one.

 

“How can-”

 

“Where are they going to go now? Azkaban wasn’t ideal but Dementors congregate. They will want a new living space. Which means we are all exposed as they find one.”

 

This was an issue, of course it was, but highly trained Aurors were being sent out to make sure they left to a destination not populated by any innocents. There were a number of islands that could live on.

 

“It has been foreseen. Your moth- the Minister will see that it is a smooth transition.”

 

“It can only end in disaster. Trust me.” Ren intoned darkly and then got up and left Rey standing alone. Rey glared at his retreating back and felt irrationally annoyed at his negative attitude. His mother had achieved a great thing, a brilliant thing, and he seemed determined to rain on the parade Rey was throwing for it. And yet… there was a point. Dementors did not take politely to people, wizard or Muggle-alike, trying to force them out of their homes. And there was no guarantee they would go where instructed.

 

Throwing the paper down she felt even more annoyed for the doubts now planted in her mind about a happy occasion.

 

Ren really was a better companion when he didn’t talk. Unless it was his special kind of naughty promises, whispered in her ear as he-

 

No! She had a class in half an hour. No time for any of that.

 

And she had detention duty tonight.

 

Okay, maybe she might have time for that later on.

 

* * *

 

Rey spent the majority of the night inside the storeroom cupboard. Skywalker needed an inventory taken of all the supplies and always asked a teacher not involved in potions to take it.

 

She had just marked down the amount of Troll Mucus when she was interrupted.

 

“All present and correct Professor?”

 

Rey frowned deeply at Ren’s sardonic tone. “It’s a job that needs to be done.”

 

“Indeed. Though why Skywalker thinks I would steal holly-stems I have no idea.” He was leaning against the door frame, casually and with an air of confidence that bordered on cockiness. It almost made Rey smile at times at how like a school boy he could be around her at times. Always trying to act unconcerned and relaxed but not doing a very good job.

 

“I’m working Ren. And you are meant to keep an eye on the students.”

 

“They are doing lines. They won’t miss us.” She could feel him behind her now. His breath on her neck. And then his lips pressed to the sensitive skin beneath her ear.

 

“Ren!” She gasped as quietly as she could. “For the love of Merlin, not here!”

 

“I’ve missed you. I want you.”

 

Rey closed her eyes at his words. He was good with words. Then turned to face him. His eyes were the colour of dark chocolate and just as tempting.

 

“Not in here. I won’t when the students are only a few feet away.”

 

Ren sighed heavily through his nose but didn’t touch her again. He always stopped when she told him to.

 

“May I come to your rooms tonight?” He whispered again. He always looked oddly shy when asking. Like he wasn’t sure of his welcome. Yet Rey was yet to deny him so far.

 

“Yes.” She breathed. And despite herself, pressed a kiss to his lips. It was a gentle and almost innocent peck. Not like their usual kisses. Then she nodded her head empathetically to the door of the storeroom to urge Ren back into the classroom to watch over their charges. He held on a second longer then let go, turning his back on her and striding back into his old role as taskmaster.

 

* * *

 

Rey lay very still beside him as his breathing evened out with sleep. Her skin was flushed and a sheen of sweat had rested on her body with her hair tangled and spread out on her pillow. She knew she should feel relaxed and sleepy. To a certain extent she was. She was certainly satisfied. Yet she couldn’t close her eyes. Instead she turned them onto the man asleep beside her.

 

He had a number of scars on his shoulders, back and ribs. Most likely from spells and curses hitting their mark over the coarse of the Second Wizarding War. They didn’t detract from his appearance. Rey happened to quite like scars. They showed a person had lived, made mistakes, healed and carried on. They showed they were human. But there was a difference. The scars on his body were a mixture of silvery lines that time and medicines had healed.

 

The one she had left down his face was still pink and prominent.

 

A permanent taunting reminder of who he’d been. And could be again.

 

But who he wasn’t anymore as he lay here beside her.

 

Rey’s mind had been swinging between these two schools of thought like a pendulum for nearly six weeks and she was no closer to an answer or a point of preference.

 

She’d had moments of doubt and even horror at what she was doing. One time during the last week of January she had gone to the Gryffindor Common Room and subsequently talked to Han’s portrait. Han was as relaxed as ever, chatting and joking in his sardonic way about particular students he liked to poke fun at (the Gryffindor Head Boy was a stuck-up little berk, apparently) when Rey felt it hit her between the eyes.

 

This had been her father figure. Her friend. Her hope of a family. And she was sleeping with his killer.

 

She’d had to dash off quickly to lock herself in her own room and burst into tears of shame. How could she be so selfish? Betray Han like that? He may have asked her to be a little more friendly. She doubted he meant to this extent. She vowed there and then to end it.

 

She considered just blanking him and hoping he got the message but that was a cowardly thing to do. She had always earned her Gryffindor bravery. She had waited through an excruciating detention where she had been coiled like a spring and unable to look him in the eye before she squared her shoulders and looked up.

 

She had told him that she couldn’t be with him. That they were too different and their histories were too ugly to ever come to anything good. He’d listened, nodded and then left the room. Rey had been astounded at how quietly he took the news. She should have been; it didn’t last.

 

It was two o’clock in the morning when there was a banging at her door. When she opened it to see Ren, shrouded with a hood and looking almost drenched from the rain that had pounded her windows that night, she’d let him in without a fight.

 

She’d tried to give him a towel but he’d refused.

 

He only wanted one thing: one last kiss from her.

 

“A goodbye, if you like.” He’d murmured.

 

It had been a simple request. She’d wordlessly stretched up on her tip-toes and pressed her lips to his. Ren had grasped her head in his hands and deepened this kiss instantly. And it felt too good for Rey to push him away.

 

It shook her to the core. He seemed to pour so much into it that Rey wondered if she was capable of accepting it.

 

When they finally broke for air, he seemed to be almost trying to hold in all the emotions that were roaring through his body.

 

“If I have made you unhappy, know that I am sorry. Truly sorry. But don’t forsake me. Please. Not you.”

 

It had been the closest to being begged that Rey had ever been. And the words had struck something painful close in her chest. She had been forced to relive in that moment her own loveless childhood. Waiting in the hope of someone coming back for her and loving her like a proper family did. Of her Muggle mother coming back to claim the baby with so much power she hadn’t a clue what to do with her. Of her wizard father who had been struck down before he was even aware of his daughter’s impending existence. Even at Hogwarts she had waited and waited. To no avail.

 

To reject a person begging for some form of affection, even if it remained purely physical, would have been too cruel. A hug and a kind word would have meant so much to her as a child.

 

She managed to get Ren into the shower to warm up and surrendered once again to all he could give her. Surrounded by steam and water, she gave her body back to him and he took it like medicine to a sick body. And so the cycle had continued unheeded.

 

“Stop thinking so loudly.” Ren mumbled. Rey started and then rolled her eyes. He was always pretending to be asleep and then scaring her.

 

“Stop interrupting my thoughts.” Rey quipped back.

 

Ren let his eyes open and stared at her.

 

“We should do something.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Something normal. Well, normal for us. Go for a walk or something.”

 

Rey’s eyes widened. “What if someone sees?”

 

Ren’s expression darkened. Rey couldn’t help but feel her cheeks flush.

 

“Don’t worry. No-one will suspect that the Gryffindor princess is fraternising with the enemy.”

 

Rey couldn’t help but put her hands on his face. It was a comforting gesture. An entreating one. To understand.

 

“I want to do something platonic. Watching the Quiddich training. Walk by the forest. Discuss the latest developments in broomsticks. Anything. Just not this cycle, over and over again.”

 

It sounded reasonable and not something Rey wanted to deny him. It even sounded quite alluring.

 

“Okay. A walk then. We can say we are collecting ingredients for the potions storeroom.”

 

Ren nods once. Rey can’t look away from his face for a long time.

 

* * *

 

It is a week later when they attempt it. There is a need to collect some wolfsbane and leaping toadstool and so they venture out together. Under the guise of House Unity of course.

 

Rey carries the basket and they meet down at the mouth of the forest. Even now, Rey tended to avoid the forest after all the stories of the dangers. Yet it was safer in the daylight and she was a fully trained witch. Ren and herself were equally powerful. They could deal with the majority of risks now.

 

Ren nodded his head in greeting but didn’t try to touch her. Rey smiled tightly and they made their way into the forest.

 

It is silent between them as their feet crushed the leafs beneath their feet. The overhanging branches shadow them from the sun. It is eerily beautiful in many ways.

 

“It’s odd to think that first years are taken here for punishment.” Rey mused almost to herself.

 

Ren looks at her and gave something of a half smile. “It probably serves its purpose. Considering most first years could potentially be eaten if they were to come in alone.”

 

“I doubt that. I came in once or twice with Finn. We survived.” Rey glanced at Ren. “Well, just about.”

 

“Probably not something you should advertise. We are meant to be role models after all.”

 

Rey nodded. It would take the shine off her credentials.

 

They get to work with Rey collecting the toadstools and Ren collecting the wolfsbane. It is quiet comfort working side-by-side. They don’t talk but there feels as though there is no need.

 

After an hour of working side-by-side, Rey sat down on a banking and watched the water passed by in the stream that ran only a few feet away from her. Ren comes and slowly sits next to her.

 

There is movement across from the stream and Rey instinctively reaches for her wand. Ren catches her hand to still her.

 

The Thestrals quietly graze across the lake from them. For an animal so closely linked with death, they were peaceful creatures. Rey can only watch as they go about their business.

 

“I’ve never seen Thestrals in the forest before.” Rey mused.

 

“We had never seen death until we came back here.” Ren replied.

 

Only the trickle of the water between them and the animals remained.

 

It would have felt like the beginnings of sadness to Rey had Ren not took out his wand. With a whispered spell, Ren pointed at an acorn hanging in a tree above one of the Thestrals heads. Slowly it began to turn into an apple and dropped from the branch. The Thestral turned, sniffed it and then feasted on it.

 

Rey looked at him.

 

Ren met her gaze and then back away. “It was some of the first spells I could do.”

 

“Really?” Rey sits upright.

 

Ren nodded almost disinterestedly. “When I was two years old, I made all the flowers come back to life in the dead of winter in the Ministry garden. Just from walking past them.”

 

Rey smiled. Rey’s first experience with magic had been accidentally making the window explode during a fight with Unkar Plutt over how much money he owed her for an engine part. It did work though. He forked up the money so quickly he practically threw it at her.

 

“I love flowers. And greenery. Its all so beautiful.”

 

Ren looked at her and then looked over the banking. Without a word or a flick of his wand, he moves his fingers in a sweeping gesture. The frost was still strong due to the February weather but it seemed to melt away and colour began to bloom. Rey watched in wonder as all the flowers opened and stretched their petals like arms stretching after a sleep.

 

Up above the branches, previously bare, began to sprout and slowly turn green. The leaves flourished and sheltered them from the sun. Some fell away from the trees and showered Rey like confetti. Rey laughed in astonishment and delight.

 

So uninhibited was her joy that she smiled at Ren without any self-consciousness. Ren could only look back and then down where her hand was touching his on the grass.

 

Rey knew she should be self-conscious but in that moment she couldn’t think what of.

 

* * *

 

And so a ritual was created. Ren and Rey would sometimes walk in the Forest or watch the Quiddich practise (and by extension argue who was cheating). Their interactions were fleeting and subtle enough to not draw suspicion about the nature of their relationship but it did raise a few eyebrows nonetheless. When two lifelong adversary begin acting almost civil, it’s bound to draw notice.

 

They still argued nearly every day and clashed over punishments for their students but Rey was generally more easy in his company. They still made love like it might be their last night on earth and still had more differences than similarities in Rey’s eyes. Yet there was an underlying tenderness to it that was becoming hard to ignore.

 

Rey also followed the news of the Dementor progress with interest. As was predicted by Ren, it seemed to be a difficult transition and fraught with troubles.

 

The beginning of April peaked around Rey’s curtains and soon Ren’s spells to bloom the flowers was unnecessary.

 

Ren had become even more gentle to Rey when they were alone. It seemed to happen almost suddenly but soon their passionate couplings were peppered with his gentle kisses all over her body. Sometimes he would not take her until he had kissed every inch. It was a little perplexing but not unwelcome.

 

Rey had still had moments of doubt about their relationship. Because that was inevitably what it was becoming. She couldn’t call him her boyfriend and lover sounded far too lax and yet what could she call it instead.

 

She was thinking over this for the hundredth time when she was walking through the second floor corridor one night on her way to her rooms. She’d indulged in a romp with Ren upon an old chest that Ren had lain his coat over to make her comfy and was a little flushed.

 

She was about to make her way to her rooms when she overhead Poe and Finn laughing and joking. And coming very close rather quickly.

 

Rey froze. She had the suspicion that maybe they had taken to meeting in private as her and Ren were. She doubted they wanted to be disturbed even by her. And she was hardly looking presentable. They may even suspect what she’d been up to. And that would lead to a world of questions she was nowhere near ready for.

 

Looking around desperately, she spots a door leading into a disused classroom. With a quick Alohamora charm, she darted inside and closed the door behind her. Pressing her ear to the door, she listened as the boys entered the corridor, passed the door and then began to grow quieter as they walked further and further away.

 

Sighing in relief, she leant against the door to chew over her lucky escape. Turning into the room, she looked around.

 

The room was dark and had dust covers over the desks. The moon was strong though and lit the room quite well.

 

Well enough for Rey to see the huge ornate mirror at the other end of the room.

 

It was odd to see such a decoration in an old classroom. It didn’t seem dusty at all. Like it had only just been placed there. Rey stepped closer to examine it.

 

It was certainly a grand looking thing with unusual writing along the rim…

 

Rey backed away. She knew what Mirror this was.

 

What in the name of magic was it doing in Hogwarts?

 

She’d heard the stories and knew what it would show to the looker on. Trembling but needing to know, she stepped closer to the mirror and peered in.

 

At first there was only her. Standing alone as she was. Pale yet well. Had she been mistaken? Was it just a normal looking glass?

 

Then figures formed behind her. A man in long robes with brown hair with streaks of red and hazel eyes. A woman in Muggle clothing with a delicate face and freckles on her nose. Her parents.

 

A man behind her father. Tall with reddish hair and a neat beard. Brown wizard robes and smiling eyes. Her grandfather.

 

On the other side of her, figures she recognised. The Minister of Magic stepped forward. Leia looked almost young with easy happiness in her face. Wearing a jumpsuit and jacket, she was far away from her role of power. Towering over her, with a roguish smile and grey hair, Han Solo wrapped his arm around his wife and smiled at Rey. Skywalker was in the background too. Again made youthful from a look of contentment.

 

And then he came.

 

He was whole and unscarred. Wearing black but not as though in mourning. He looked happy and well. His smile was small but his happiness shining in those wonderful eyes. He put his hand on her shoulder. Rey looked to her shoulder as if to see his hand. But of course there was nothing there.

 

This was her heart’s desire. Her family and her adopted family. United and whole and around her. It was all she could ever want.

 

For a moment her heart was fit to bursting. All her family together.

 

And then her heart broke. It could never be.

 

Her father was dead. Her mother too. Her grandfather dead when Skywalker was just a teenager. Killed by Lord Vader, Ren’s grandfather. Leia and Skywalker remained but lived half-lives of duty and loneliness. And Han was nothing but a canvas painted with watercolours on the Gryffindor door.

 

And Ren… Ren could never be what she needed. The acts couldn’t be erased. He had taken his father away from her and she could never get him back.

 

Rey sank to the floor and sobbed until her eyes burned and her throat was swollen and raw.

 

* * *

 

It took a long time for Rey to rise from the floor and make her way silently back to her bedroom. She collapsed fully clothed onto her bed and slept fitfully all night. The next day was mercifully a day off for her and she found no desire to move. She lay in bed until eleven, missing breakfast and dozing without the energy or the will to move. She’d always been strong and resilient. For once she wanted to be weak. Her hearts desire was something that could never be and it hurt like sweet hell.

 

She had a hot shower but sat down as the water poured over her. She dressed and plaited her hair while still wet. She dressed in Muggle clothing. Jeans and a hooded top. She sat by the fire for a long time.

 

The portrait to her apartments was knocked at throughout the day by Finn and Poe wondering where she had got to. She answered but did not invite them in. They seemed stunned and frightened by her appearance but she wanted to be left alone.

 

It was six o’clock when she finally left her rooms. She needed some air and some time walking alone.

 

Rey wandered aimlessly down the stairs to the entrance of the castle. She didn’t heed or care about the odd looks her pupils gave her. She undoubtedly looked odd in comparison to her usual professor look. The air was biting cold when she went out into the courtyard and across the bridge to the greenery by the forest.

 

She spent some time standing on the bridge just looking out over the view it provided. To breathe in deeply the clean air this high up helped calm her shattered nerves and make her feel more at peace with her mind. She revisited memories of her school days with Finn. When they would run over the bridge down to Chewbacca’s hut to enlist his help or tell him a theory for the latest saga unravelling in the school. She wondered what that thirteen year-old girl who laughed loudly, clung to any love she could get and still held out hope that this magical world would open its arms fully to her once she was a grown woman would think of her now.

 

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice someone approaching.

 

“Where have you been?”

 

Rey whipped round. Ren was standing a few feet away from her looking concerned. The green wool of his scarf glared accusingly at her.

 

“Go away.” Rey snapped and strode off down the bridge away from him.

 

Ren was a quicker mover and had a grip that would cease. So she couldn’t continue her escape when Ren caught her arm and wouldn’t let her go until she was forced to face him.

 

“Why are you being like this? Finn and Dameron… I heard them talking. You… why are you-”

 

“Get off me now!” Rey barked so loudly that Ren let her arm go in shock. Her eyes were blurring and her pent-up grief and rage was choking her. Because even now, when her hearts desire was lost to her, she wanted to run to him and beg him not to let her go.

 

Ren looked at her and a dawning realisation seemed to cross his face.

 

“So… you can’t ignore it any longer? What I am? What I've done?” His voice was toneless and almost accusatory.

 

“I’ve been blind. And foolish. I let my emotions run away with me.” Rey rasped. Why did this hurt so much? “This has to stop. I can’t erase the things that you’ve done and you can’t either.”

 

“You knew all this before. You have always known!”

 

“But I tried to close my eyes to it. Out of affection. Out of compassion. Out of...” Out of what exactly? She had an idea but would never say the words out loud to him now. “I had no one. My parents are dead. My grandfather too. I have no family on this earth to call my own. Your parents… they were closest I got. Now your mother is working herself into an early grave through grief and loss. And your father is dead. By your hand. And you have never said you are sorry for it. Not once.”

 

“Do I really need to say the words for you to know that I am sorry? Can’t you tell by the way I live? By the way I am?”

 

“You are proud and haughty. That doesn’t show it. He was all I had!” Rey’s face was contorted and ugly with tears now. “He was the closest, the only, and you killed him! He loved you! He couldn’t bare what you had become. It killed him inside. And then you finished him off.”

 

“I am not a monster.”

 

Rey sniffed. “I know. It would be easier if I still believed that.”

 

It was cold all around them and the despair kept mounting to unbearable levels. Ren’s breath came out in puffs and suddenly his face fell even further at something behind her. Rey looked.

 

The wood on the bridge was frosting over.

 

They had been so caught up in their confrontation that they had not noticed until now. And it was now too late to run.

 

The swarm of Dementors swam around the bridge and one had entered through the archway that led to Chewie’s hut and the Forbidden Forest. It was heading straight for Rey.

 

Rey went for her wand but her body was propelled away from the approaching Dementor. Ren had snapped out of his trance and had thrown himself in front of her to shield her. To protect her.

 

The bright light burst from his wand and the Falcon soared. It deflected the Dementor. But there were more. Before Rey could move, another broke through the window gap in the bridge and Rey could only scream as it breathed in Ren’s despair.

 

Rey shot out her own Patronus but had to deflect it away from Ren to protect herself from an approaching Dementor.

 

Trapped in a corner, Rey was forced to keep her spell up to keep the Dementors at bay while she watched Ren sink to the floor as more and more Dementors crowded in.

 

Shaking and sweating, her own mounting despair was making her Patronus less effective. It would fail any moment. She desperately tried to think her happiest memories.

 

Receiving her letter from Hogwarts, Skywalker coming to collect her, meeting Finn on the Hogwarts Express, winning the Quiddich match as a new Seeker, Han smiling at her, destroying Snoke, Ren. Kissing Ren, being held by Ren, walking with him, talking to him, Ren. Ren…

 

Rey’s arms were shaking with the strain. She closed her eyes. She would not die here.

 

There was suddenly an enormous beam of light. All Rey could see suddenly were animals. A phoenix, a rabbit, a cat, a dolphin, more and more came forward. The Dementors were strong but couldn’t fight off about seventeen Patronesses at once. They fell away and were driven far away from Rey and Ren.

 

Skywalker was at the forefront of the crowd of Professors who had seen the Dementors approaching. He kept his Patronus strong until they were completely driven back. Rey staggered to her feet and half staggered, half crawled to Ren’s side.

 

He was motionless on the ground. His face was completely pale.

 

For a moment, Rey started shaking. Had they… had they performed the Kiss?

 

But then she reached out through Legilimens and felt the beating of his consciousness. So very faint but there.

 

Skywalker ran to his nephew’s side and looked graver than Rey had ever seen him.

 

“Fetch Chewie. We need him in the hospital wing at once.”

 

* * *

 

Rey had followed them to the Hospital Wing and could only watch as Madam Kalonia worked on Ren. The Dementors hadn’t sucked out his soul but it was a close thing and the effects of four Dementors feasting on all his happy memories meant that Ren was in a coma.

 

“He is a strong man but a man has his limits. We need to administer treatment or he may not come out of this state.” Madam Kalonia warned.

 

Rey felt like everything around her was white noise. Finn tried to talk to her, Poe too, Professor Kanata tried, even Skywalker but she was incapable of speech. All she could do was stare at Ren’s pale face.

 

He was utterly still as Kalonia and Skywalker cast spells upon him, administered potions and checked for progress. The Matron could normally heal a broken back in five minutes. For someone to be utterly unresponsive was grave indeed.

 

Finally there was only one thing to do: wait.

 

“If he wakes up, he will in the next few hours. If not… then the soul may be lost to us after all.” Madam Kalonia said gravely.

 

Skywalker nodded. “I must inform my sister. She will need to be here. If he...”

 

The old man walked past Rey and touched her shoulder. Part for support of himself and of her. Rey was subjected to Finn entreating her to come away but she refused. Poe eventually touched Finn’s shoulder and led him away instead.

 

Rey sat down next to Ren’s bed. Searching for a sign of life. A twitch, anything. But apart from his chest slowly rising and falling to show he was indeed alive, there was nothing.

 

Just a deathly pale figure of a man. A man she had come to know.

 

“I understand if you hate me.” She began. “I hate myself. If you hadn’t followed me, tried to talk to me, you wouldn’t be here now. You shouldn’t have pushed me aside. I don’t need protecting. Not from anything.” Rey’s face crumpled under the fresh tears. It sounded pathetic now. Her famed independence was not so impressive when the result was this.

 

Wiping her eyes, she looked at his prone hand on the bed. Slowly, cautiously, she touched it. He was still warm.

 

“I’ve been so confused. I still am. You were meant to be terrible. You have done terrible things. So you were meant to be without redemption. I fixated on that for so long. It was what kept me strong. So when I come here and find you are… you are just a normal man… and what do I do with that? If you are my enemy but I can’t hate you, if I’ve come to care for when you’ve ruined so much, what does that make me? Am I the enemy now?”

 

Her hand clutched his tightly.

 

“Give me some kind of sign that I’m not wrong to believe there is light in you. That my gut is right when I believe that you can do good despite the bad. Please Ren, there is good in you. Don’t go before you can prove it. Please...”

 

Rey had to scrunch up her face and just surrender to her emotions for a moment. If he died and the last words to him was her rejection of him, she would not be able to come back from that. It was a confrontation they were destined to have, had to have really, but surely it didn’t have to end so finally?

 

Rey looked up at his face and nearly dropped his hand in shock. There were tears coming from his eyes. But the liquid was all wrong. It was pearly white and seemed to glitter.

 

Memories.

 

Ren was passing his memories on to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will the tears reveal? 
> 
> I'm aiming to finish this drabble by at least New Year's Eve. Comments and kudos are my life source.


	6. The Ripples in the Pensive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year guys.
> 
> It's been a year of disasters in 2016 and the worst has got to be our loss of our Princess. It still hurts and doesn't seem real. 
> 
> So I thought this would be a nice way to round off a bad year and start a hopefully better one. 
> 
> I cannot thank you all enough for your beautiful support for my daft little drabble. I hope I round it off well for you.
> 
> I wrote this to 'To Build a Home' by The Cinematic Orchaestra.
> 
> Enjoy!

Rey watched the memories glitter in the glass tube she had caught them in. She had held it to his cheek to catch every drop until she was certain that no more were to come.

 

She was stood alone in Skywalker’s office, the candles extinguished and the portraits mercifully silent.

 

There was only one Pensive that Rey knew of and it belonged to Skywalker himself. The elderly man was busy trying to open the Floo Network temporarily so the message could be passed to his twin sister and she could pass through.

 

The Pensive bowl was a stone creation with runes along the side. It looked like a normal bowl containing water. Only a magical person would know the difference.

 

With shaking hands, she uncorked the memories from the tube. Every second away from Ren was a risk of missing his last breath.

 

The memories were poured in. Rey took a deep breath and dived in.

 

* * *

 

She fell down into a room that began to take shape around her. It was a beautiful room of evident opulence and clearly a magical home. All marble and cream colours and screaming of old money.

 

Rey watched as a couple came running down the grand staircase. The man at the front was tall and handsome with a chiselled jawline and dressed in a Muggle black jacket and matching jeans. He carried his rather plain clothes with an air of assurance and, if Rey was honest, arrogance.

 

That face was twisted in fury at the moment he reached the bottom step.

 

“Han!”

 

Rey looked up the top of the staircase as a woman, a little younger than the man but just as handsome, flew down the stairs after him. She was donned in more elegant robes. Her witch status evident.

 

“Han, don’t you dare walk away from me!” Leia Organa-Solo barked. Han whirled around to face his wife. Leia now at the bottom of the stairs halted when face-to-face with him.

 

“Everything I have done, I have done for you!” He pointed his finger at her accusingly. “I did everything right. I haven’t told a living soul. I never asked for any of this!”

 

“I gave you a choice. You know damn well that I did. You could have walked away.”

 

“And left you? That wouldn’t have lasted.” He scoffed.

 

“Then why are you leaving me now?” She snarled.

 

Han shrugged, clearly trying to act nonchalant and disinterested. Instead it looked rather defeated. “Because I’m a crap husband. Because I’m a rubbish dad. Because I never expected a kid of mine to be able to blow up vases when he has a tantrum.”

 

Leia stepped back as though struck. “He can’t control it. No child can at his age. The magic has to come out somehow.”

 

“What in God’s name am I meant to do in the meantime? I can’t take him to the park encase someone sees him do something I can’t explain. He doesn’t know what football is and I can’t hop on a broom to play Quaydich or whatever the hell its called. All his toys are magic and attack me when I try and use them. How am I meant to be a good dad? He looks at me like I’m a moron.”

 

The couple continued to argue in heated tones when Rey caught a hint of movement at the top of the stairs. A mop of black fluffy hair was visible between the banisters. The young Ben Solo had huge chocolate brown eyes and ears that were even more noticeable as a toddler but other than that it stole Rey’s breath how small and defenceless that man she knew he would be had started out like.

 

The little boy watched as his parents battled it out over him. It hurt her heart to see his little face twist in confusion and hurt about why his father felt he couldn’t be in the same house as him.

 

In the end, Leia finally lost any patience remaining and shoved Han away from her.

  
“Fine! Run like the coward you are! Pretend you don’t have a wife and son. But he is half of you Han. And you are as responsible for your half as I am for mine.”

 

Han backed away from the tiny woman and his eyes strayed upwards. Caught sight of his son. Who he didn’t understand. Who was more powerful than he would ever be. Who scared him half to death at times and who he knew saw it in his face.

 

Rey saw his thought process on his face: “This kid is better off without me.”

 

He walked away and the slam of the door bounced around the room.

 

Leia slumped to her knees as the pain of separation immobilised her for a moment. Rey saw for herself the vulnerability of the future Minister and the evidence that while a leader she was also still a woman who loved an impossible man.

 

The toddler of Ben tried to tiptoe away but sniffed. His mother looked up at the staircase and saw her child in pain.

 

She came to the bottom step and stretched out her arms.

 

“Come here sweetheart.”

 

The little boy hesitates a moment. Maybe this is not a regular occurrence. But his mother is as beseeching as she is comforting. She needs to hold her son; it’s evident.

 

He toddles down the stairs and buried his face in his mother’s chest.

 

“Daddy...”

 

“He’ll be back. He always comes back. We’ll be okay. You’ll be a good boy until he comes back, right?”

 

Ben nods, his hair flopping with the empathetic movement. “Yes, Mommy.”

 

“Good boy. My little boy.”

 

The tender image begins to dissolve and Rey sees another scene.

 

It is the same location at the bottom of the staircase and the same people.

 

Leia Organa-Solo is dressed in a travelling cloak and looks set for a journey. Ben is standing in front of her. He is older now, approximately seven Rey would hazard, and the serious expression Rey has come to know is already forming a home on his features.

 

“I’ve left instructions with the house staff. They will be here if you need anything. And you can contact me if there’s an emergency.” Leia explained.

 

Ben nodded. His face was almost blank. Like he’d done this enough times to know the score.

 

“How long will this one last?” He asks, a trace of fleeting bitterness sneaking into his tone.

 

“No more than a fortnight. The Ministry has been meaning to sort of the Port-key crisis for sometime. And I want to ensure it’s done properly.”

 

“Is Akbar considering stepping down as Minister?”

 

“No, Ben.” Leia said almost as though they have had this conversation many many times. “He’s fighting fit and still popular.”

 

“But you could be Minister one day.”

 

“Maybe. I wouldn’t refuse if I was voted in.” Leia shrugged.

 

“And then you would have real power. You could do whatever you want.”

 

His eyes were shining with the idea. Like it was a tasty treat promised after dinner.

 

Leia’s expression clouded and she sank down on her haunches to be on his level.

 

“Ben, power doesn’t mean doing whatever you want. It means using your influence for good.”

 

Ben said nothing but his face gave away that he thought that was a raw deal.

 

Leia’s eyebrows furrowed as though concerned but she stood slowly to her feet. “Promise me you’ll be a good boy while I’m away.”

 

“I will.”

 

“Promise me Ben.” Leia’s voice was sterner. Ben looked into his mother’s face.

 

“I promise.” His own face grew a touch harder. “I’m always good, aren’t I?”

 

Leia went to say something but her attention was called to the Floo Network coming into action. The voice of one of her colleagues called her forward. Leia turned back to her son and quickly kissed his head.

 

“I’ll send an owl as soon as I can.” Then she dashed to the fireplace, grabbed a handful of Floo Powder, shouted “THE MINISTRY” and threw the powder down.

 

Ben watched his mother vanish in a flash of green flames.

 

The scene shifted and changed.

 

Ben was older again and packing a trunk. Judging by his items being folded in, he was at least eleven. Time to go to Hogwarts.

 

His bedroom was large and impressive yet oddly hollow and the amount of personal items he was actually packing were rather sparse.

 

Ben fiddled with his hair and pushed as much as he could over his ears. His hair was definitely longer now and he clearly had a motive for growing it.

 

His mother came into the doorway. She looked at her son undisturbed for a moment. She looked like she was steeling herself.

 

Ben caught sight of her and she plastered on an airy tone.

 

“Got everything packed?” She asked.

 

“Yeah I think so.” The lack of personal touches to his trunk is not mentioned.

 

“Now remember you can use your Uncle Luke’s owl whenever you want. R2-D2 is a loyal owl and will get any message to me in no time.” Leia promised. Ben nodded, clearly not arsed if R2 was on his last legs or not.

 

“Where is he?” Ben asked.

 

“At Hogwarts with your uncle.”

 

“No.” His voice had a harder quality. “Where is He?”

 

Leia’s face fell. Rey knew instantly who he spoke of.

 

“He… he’s downstairs.”

 

“Oh.” Ben looked almost wrong footed. “He’s actually here? I thought...”

 

“He knows you are going away.” Leia interjected. “He wouldn’t miss an opportunity to say goodbye.”

 

“Well, if there’s one thing he’s good at its saying goodbye.”

 

“Ben.” Leia scolded.

 

“Mom. Just don’t.” The days of humouring his mother was clearly behind him and he strode out of the room. Leia followed half a beat later looking almost lost.

 

Rey followed down the grand staircase. She took in the same sight as Ben. Han was standing in the living room, looking at a magical clock which told the family destinations. His face was under ‘HOME’ with his wife and son.

 

Han looked away and was presented with his son. Rey couldn’t tell how long it had been since they had last seen one another but gathering from the look of almost disbelief in Han’s face, it must have been a good deal of time.

 

“Ben?”

 

“Father.”

 

There was silence between them. Both waiting for the other to speak. To fill in the painfully obvious gaps. Neither volunteered.

 

In the end Han started for him.

 

“You’ve grown your hair.”

 

Ben just stared at him. “Same jacket.” He offered.

 

“No. New jacket.”

 

Ben shrugged. It made no odds to him. Han stepped closer to him, clearly in the mood to placate.

 

“I wanted to see you. I know that tomorrow is a big day. That I won’t see you for a long time.”

 

Ben looked at his father. He was trying to be hardened. Not to cave. Yet Rey knew him well enough to know he was struggling. His father, so tall and handsome, was everything he wanted to be.

 

If he couldn’t be him then having his approval was a decent substitute. Han reached into his pocket and bought something out.

 

“I got you something. It’s not much but...” Han handed it over. Ben looked at it. It was a Muggle photograph of the two of them, taken when Ben was young enough to still blindly adore his wayward father. Ben tilted his head to look at it. It was clearly bizarre to him to see a photo that didn’t move.

 

Ben scanned the younger image of the two of them. He looks at his father and nods.

 

“Thank you.” Ben shuffles his feet. “Will you be staying for dinner?”

 

“Um...” Han’s eyes flicker to Leia who is stood in the doorway behind him. He is clearly not sure of his welcome. Leia merely shrugs. Han’s eyes can’t seem to linger on his estranged wife. Even now, it’s clear she still holds all of his heart. “Maybe, I’m not sure.”

 

Ben, having noticed this silent exchange, seems to shut down again. Rey sees why he has closed his emotions off again. The assumption that Han is here to see Leia as much as his only child is not a ridiculous one. And for a boy of Ben’s age, still desperate for some kind of affection, it would stick in his throat and choke him.

 

“Right. Well, thanks for stopping by.” Ben turns on his heel to leave but Leia stops him.

 

“Ben, your father’s here-”

 

“To see you, not me.” Ben finishes. The bitterness was now pouring from him. The hurt masked with belligerence and teenage rage.

 

“That’s not true.” Leia argues though there is something in her tone that suggests to Rey that she’s not being entirely truthful with herself.

 

“Ben, I just want to-” Han is cut off with Ben’s voice exploding over them both.

 

“STOP. LYING!”

 

There is an explosion around them. The windows of the living room have all burst and tiny shards of glass rain down on them. Han hides his face as does Leia. Ben does nothing. The shards catch his face and there are sporadic dribbles of blood that begin to bloom and dribble down his pale cheeks.

 

Leia lowered her arms and moved towards her son. Her hands were reaching out though afraid to touch.

 

“Your face… oh Ben-”

 

Ben shakes her off and runs from the room. His parents, powerless and more disturbed than they would ever admit outloud, let him go.

 

The scene shifted around Rey again.

 

She was in Hogwarts. The Sorting ceremony had begun. Skywalker was at the forefront. He looked unrecognisable. His hair still blond and with a neat beard instead of his scruffy one. Mon Mathma is holding the list and the Sorting Hat.

 

“Ben Organa-Solo.”

 

Ben stepped out of the crowd and climbed the steps nervously. His Uncle nodded to him in what was clearly encouragement.

 

Ben sat on the stool. The hat dropped down over his eyes. It debated with itself for nearly a full minute then declared:

 

“SLYTHERIN”

 

There was the usual applause from Slytherin’s table and the general spattering of applause that came from every sorted classmate. Yet there was also a murmur.

 

“Ben Solo? A Slytherin? But his mum’s in Gryffindor. So’s Professor Skywalker!”

 

“Yeah, but his grandfather was in Slytherin, wasn’t he?”

 

“Vader...”

 

Ben took his seat at the dining table and kept his face blank. Yet there was a flush of colour in his cheeks.

 

The Sorting ceremony came to an end soon afterwards and the feast began.

 

Ben helped himself to some chicken and ate it quietly, speaking to no-one.

 

“Organa eh?”

 

Ben looked to the boy sitting beside him. Rey recognised him instantly. She’d recognise that pinched face and slicked back red hair anywhere.

 

Armitage Hux seemed to have perfected the art of looking snobbish and down his nose at others even at the age of eleven. Even to Ben, who had just been sorted like him, there was an air of superiority about him that Ben had never managed to wear as well.

 

“Yes.” Ben replied, clearly cautious of this boy.

 

“I take it your mother is Leia Organa then? She’s the only one living anyway.”

 

“She is and yes, she’s my mother.”

 

“Hmmm.” It sounded almost approving. “So Skywalker’s nephew and Vader’s grandson. That’s a good bloodline you’ve got there.”

 

Ben shrugged. “I guess.”

 

“Isn’t your father a Muggle?” A blonde girl asked, who was sitting opposite them. Her hair was short but not as short as Rey knew it to be. Phasma Lestrange was tallest of the three even sitting down.

 

“Yes.” This was said with even more caution on Ben’s part. His head bowed over his plate.

 

“What, like, an actual Muggle? Not even Muggleborn?!” Phasma proclaimed in clear disgust.

 

“He doesn’t have magic. So yes, an actual Muggle.”

 

“Oh dear.” Hux seemed extremely put off by this. “Well at least you have Pure Blood ancestry even if you are subsequently a Half Blood.” The tone that Hux used to him was much more derisive than before. As though Ben’s blood status lowered his worth in his eyes. Which Rey knew to be the case for the fanatics they would grow up to be. “Still, rather awful of your mother to stoop so low.”

 

Rey prayed that Ben would say something, anything, in his father’s defence. But Ben was clearly past the point of making excuses for his wayward paternal figure.

 

“On that,” Ben said through gritted teeth, “we are in complete agreement.”

 

Hux nodded as though in approval at Ben’s obvious disdain. He glanced at Phasma and she gave a little smile.

 

The scene shifted once again.

 

It was a dark field at night and time had evidently passed much faster. Rey could see a tall broad figure in front of her. She didn’t need to see his face to know it was Ben. And clearly neither did the man behind her.

 

“So this is the infamous place that all your friends congregate? A Muggle field?” Han snorted derisively.

 

“It is a location with magical energy.” Ben’s biting tone snaps. “You wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”

 

“Of course not. Being a pathetic little non-magical entity.” Han kept approaching his son’s figure. His face was stony and determined.

 

“How did you know where I’d be?” Ben demanded. He still didn’t turn around.

 

“Believe it or not, I have friends. And a six foot three black robed figure can be found if you look in the right places.” Han stopped about five feet away from his son. “What is this, Ben?”

 

“Do not call me that!” He snarled. He turned to face his father then. It almost took Rey by surprise to see his face without his scar. But it would be many years before they even knew of the others existence. Right now, he could have been no older than twenty.

 

“Oh yes. Your mother did mention your new name. Kylo Ren, isn’t it?”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“Doesn’t suit you. What kind of name is Kylo?”

 

“Better than Solo.”

 

It was meant to hurt his father. But Han barely raised an eyebrow.

 

“Is that what your new friends say? Is that what He says? This all powerful wizard you are following? Snoke?”

 

“He is to be called the Supreme Leader!”

 

“He’s not my bloody leader and never will be.” Han snapped.

 

Ben, or was it Ren now, drew his wand and aimed it at his father. Han eyed the wand and though his brain was clearly working overtime, he kept his face calm.

 

“Killing you would do a lot for my standing. To kill my Muggle father...”

 

“So it is true then?” There was a feeling of almost defeat in Han’s tone. “You are practising Dark Magic.”

 

“Real magic. My mother… she was too afraid, too weak, to ever explore her birthright. But now, I can finish what Vader started.”

 

“What? Killing and torturing innocents?”

 

“No one will be killed who cooperates.” Ben dismissed. There was a flicker of doubt in his features though. Like it was a lie he told himself everyday to keep himself sane.

 

“So if your mother doesn’t cooperate? If your uncle doesn’t? If I don’t?”

 

“You are nothing to me.” Ben’s knuckles were white around his wand. “You are a pathetic excuse for a man.”

 

“Fair enough. But I know you. I know you Ben and you have many faults but this… this is beyond you. This is an evil you aren’t capable of.”

 

“Watch me!” Ben roared in his face. It just made him look more afraid.

 

“Then why are we even speaking of this? Do it. Kill me. Take my body back. Have it stuffed. Show it off as a trophy. Just do it.”

 

“You think I won’t?”

 

“Do it.” Han was calm. Almost resigned. In that moment, Rey understood that he expected to die. Ben understood too.

 

Ben’s hand shook and he went to open his mouth, possibly to even utter the words, yet nothing came out. His face was contorted in both fury and despair.

 

Eventually his wand was lowered and he sank to his knees. His head was in his hands and he was moaning as though in pain.

 

Han went to reach out a hand, maybe to stroke his son’s hair, but then thought better of it.

 

Instead he knelt down with him.

 

“Ben, you know how to disguise yourself. If I can find you, a man who had no magic and only a few connections in your mother’s world, then that means you wanted someone to find you.”

 

Ben held his head in his hands for a few more minutes and then let go. His head raised slightly yet didn’t look at his father.

 

“There’s a plan. To assassinate… my mother. People… in the Ministry… they have connections to us.”

 

Han paled but listened as Ben relayed some details to his father. Han nodded once he was done.

 

“I will tell this to your mother. We will keep her safe.”

 

“You can’t. Not from him.”

 

Han did touch his son then. He touched him by grasping his shoulders.

 

“There is another way. You can still do good in this world.”

 

“I can’t.” Ben sounded utterly defeated. “There is a darkness in me. There’s no point in fighting it. This is who I am. I will never be the hero.”

 

“So you want to play the villain? Fine. Play him. But play him for a better end.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“There is a term in the Muggle world. A term that might be relevant now. ‘Double-agent’.”

 

Ben blanched at his father.

 

Han calmly stood. “You understand then? If you want to help your mother, no matter how small a capacity and if you want to prove yourself to be the one thing you have always wanted, then meet me back here in a week at midnight. I will bring your Uncle. And we will help you.”

 

There was only the wind around them.

 

“And if I don’t?”

 

“Then I will accept your decision. And pick up the pieces that you left.”

 

Han took a few steps away when Ben called out to him.

 

“Prove myself to be what I’ve always wanted to be? What have I always wanted to be then?”

 

Han stopped and looked back. Rey could see the beginnings of age taking effect on him.

 

“A man who can right the mistakes he’s made. Basically, the complete opposite of me.”

 

And with that Han left his son on his knees.

 

The scene shifted yet again.

 

It was the same field again and Rey saw that Han had stayed true to his word. He was stood with Luke Skywalker. Ben was on his knees before them.

 

“Leia should know about this.” Skywalker scolded. “This is her son after all.”

 

“It’s better if Leia never knows about this.” Han dismissed.

 

Luke looks at his nephew with a mixture of tentative hope and obvious disgust.

 

“What makes you think I will take you under my protection?”

 

Ben looked up at Luke as though he despised his position but knew he had no other option.

 

“No idea. You could always kill me. It would be easier.”

 

“And too quick. I want to hear your reasons.” Luke said without giving an inch.

 

Ben was grinding his teeth.

 

“My mother… she’s safe?” He looked to Han who gave him an affirmative nod. Ben sagged with relief. He clearly didn’t have enough darkness to deny his love for his mother. “I want to prove… that I’m not like him.” He nodded his head in Han’s direction.

 

Luke looked at Han in confusion but Han shook his head.

 

“That’s good enough for me.”

 

Luke looked back at his nephew. “You will have to submit your memories for examination and make sure Snoke cannot break through your Occulamancy skills. But very well. I accept. With your help, we may finally be able to bring balance to the Magical world.”

 

Ben can only nod.

 

The scene shifted once again.

 

Some more years had passed and Ben was stood with his uncle in a shadowy room of the Leaky Cauldron. It was a dilapidated terribly damp room but their visit was clearly business not pleasure.

 

“Snoke is moving his game up.” Ben informed his uncle. “He has been pushing for Hux to be made Minister and with Phasma taking over the questioning of Muggleborns, it is only a matter of time.”

 

“So I see.” Skywalker said quite calmly as though expecting nothing less from Snoke. “Your mother has formed her own opposition. In private of course. The Order of Resistance.”

 

“Yes, filled with teenagers no less.” Ben snorted as though not in the slightest impressed.

 

“Gifted teenagers. And only one of two.” Skywalker assured.

 

“It’s said you’ve recruited the granddaughter of Kenobi? Some chit of a girl of about fourteen?”

 

“To be fair, she recruited us. And she’s an extremely gifted witch even for her age.”

 

“Do you think it’s wise to get children involved?” Ben snapped. “Haven’t enough innocents died?”

 

“Careful Ben. You’re starting to sound as though you truly believe in our cause.”

 

Skywalker watched as his nephew turned away from him, clearly uncomfortable. “Don’t dement yourself Uncle. There is still more darkness than light in me. I just find it remarkable that Han Solo of all people seems so taken with the girl. He’s normally scared to death and over cautious with magic.”

 

“He has taken a special shine to her, no doubt,” Skywalker agreed, “as has your mother and myself. She is a difficult girl to dislike.”

 

“Evidently.” Ben snapped.

 

Skywalker looked at his nephew with almost pitiful eyes. “Don’t judge her so harshly. She has not had an easy life. I believe that this is the first family she has ever known.”

 

“Then I pity her truly.” Ben snapped. “If she sees us as a shining example of family unity.” Ben pulled his hood up. “I trust that the information I’ve provided will be well used?”

 

“Indeed it will. I thank you humbly for your continued assistance.”

 

Ben nodded shortly and Disapparated before Skywalker’s eyes.

 

The scene shifted once again and Phasma, Hux and Ben were stood outside a row of cells. Rey recognised it. They were beneath the Ministry where Finn, Poe and herself had been captured.

 

“I will take the Muggleborn.” Phasma smiled cruelly. “You know I have a special talent for them.” The way she lovingly stroked her wand made Rey feel nauseous.

 

“Very well. I’ll take the girl.” Hux declared.

 

“No!” Ben stopped him.

 

Hux eyed him derisively. “You want her for yourself?”

 

Ben clearly hadn’t thought that far ahead but then nodded. “Yes. She’s close to my family. I may be able to talk her into joining our cause.”

 

Hux shrugged. “Very well. But get results.”

 

Phasma and Hux entered the adjacent cells. Ben took a deep breath and opened Rey’s cell.

 

He was wearing his Death Eater mask when he entered the room. Yet Rey could feel the emotions bleeding into her from his memories. Rey was unconscious and held down on a gurney.

 

He could feel his emotions as he stared at her. The most overwhelming one seemed to be: “She’s so young. Looks so small. How can she be this all powerful witch?”

 

Rey woke shortly afterwards and their exchange began. It still shocked her that he removed his mask for her. And yet he could now feel the reasoning. The desire to show her a face that, whether she believed it or not, wished her no harm. To gain her trust. To gain her approval and not a clue why.

 

She looked away during the moment of Legitimancy. But could feel him again. His shock, his compassion for her and his sudden comprehension that they weren’t so different.

 

Then his fear for the fact she had seen into his mind. No-one could see. No-one can know.

 

He left quickly and left the room not as securely locked as when he entered. It suddenly dawned on Rey just how easy it had been to escape. And now knew why.

 

The scene shifted.

 

It was the Atrium of the Ministry. Beside the fountain in the centre and Rey knew what was about to be shown to her.

 

She wanted to shield her eyes and not see. Yet she knew that there was something that she needed to see.

 

Ben was alone in the Ministry, possibly patrolling the area when it rang out through the open space.

 

“BEN!”

 

He stopped cold. Turned and saw his father standing before him.

 

“Take off that mask. You don’t need it.”

 

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?”

 

“The face of my son.”

 

A moment passed and the mask was taken off. Han looked upon the man his son had become. One he barely recognised yet had helped create.

 

“As far as everyone is concerned your son is gone.” Ben told his father.

 

“My son is alive.” Han argued. “You came back to us. And you have done well. So well.”

 

Ben’s eyes shimmered. Those words to be spoken after so long… why was it only now?

  
“How did you even get in here?” Ben demanded.

 

“I always find an opening. Even if I have a bad feeling about it.”

 

“You need to leave quickly. They’re coming. If they catch you here...”

 

“I know. Why else do you think I’m here?”

 

Ben looked at his father without comprehension. And then dawning horror.

 

“You can’t mean it.”

 

“I can and I do.”

 

“Do you know what they will do if they catch you here?!” Ben shouted sounding desperate. “They will torture you to death. You’ll be praying for death by the time they are done.”

 

“Then you better do it before they arrive. I know what I’m doing. Avada Kadavra is clean and quick. I won’t feel it.”

 

“How do you know?” Ben demanded.

 

“I’ve done my research.” Han explained. Ben kept shaking his head. “Ben, this will stop any doubts that Snoke has about you. And you know he has them. If you do this… he’ll trust you entirely. I’m getting old Ben, I’ve had my life and I want to do my bit for your mother.”

 

“By leaving her?!”

 

“If it will help her world be a safer place, then yes.”

 

“My soul will be damned.”

 

“Not if it is taken as a mercy. Like you said, I will be tortured if they catch me here.”

 

The Floo Networks were firing up. They were really coming now.

 

“Do it. Do it now. Before it’s too late.” Han pleaded.

 

Ben looked at his father, took out his wand and managed to grit out something.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Han placed his hand on Ben’s face and Rey saw her younger self and Finn run around the corner.

 

Right in time to see the Killing Curse hit Han in the chest.

 

Rey’s scream reverberated around the Atrium and the scene shifted.

 

Ben’s figure is lying motionless upon a hospital bed. There is a bandage wrapped around his entire head. Only one eyes is available to look out of. And he sees the gnarled and crumbling figure of Snoke approach him.

 

Even now, his presence is enough to make Rey feel sick.

 

“You’ve done well, my boy. Very well indeed.”

 

“All thanks to your training Supreme Leader.” Ben says deferentially.

 

“The Kenobi girl has wounded you quite badly. But nothing we can’t fix.”

 

Ben touches the bandages that bind his face together. He is remembering the burn of the curse that slashed it in two.

 

“No magic. I won’t bind it until the girl is dead.” Ben vows.

 

Snoke nods approvingly. “Very good. I shall see to it that your reward will be her blood.”

 

Ben maintains eye contact throughout.

 

The scene shifts to what must be a few weeks down the line.

 

Ben is alone in a room of his own. It is dark and Spartan in style. Ben is slowly taking off the bandage and looks upon his face for the first time in weeks.

 

The scar is more livid and angry than Rey has ever seen it in Hogwarts. It is clear that he has taken no blood replenishing potions or dittany. Just time and patience is healing the wound.

 

Ben stares at his reflection and not with disgust but resignation.

 

It feels good to feel pain. Good to feel something. It bleeds through to Rey as his thoughts take form.

 

He looks down at his hands as if expecting to see them stained. For they truly are.

 

Ben remembers Rey then as she had been fighting him. Angry. Grief-stricken. Powerful.

 

“I’m glad it was her.”

 

He says the words to the empty room. As though it is good to let them escape.

 

And then his own grief escapes. Contained for weeks without an escape. He buckles over and moans. Then howls like a dying animal.

 

If this is the price of greatness, no wonder Vader turned his back on it.

 

It was the last thoughts Rey heard before the scene shifted again.

 

Snoke was before Ben at the Ministry.

 

Ben’s wand was aimed at his former Master. The entire premise of his life has led to this moment.

 

“So this is you finally showing your hand is it, Kylo?” Snoke’s voice was patronisingly calm. Like he expected nothing less and wasn’t intimidated. Like he didn’t believe Ben’s ability to see it through.

 

“More or less.” Ben’s voice was steady. His hand was steady. There was no fear or doubt like with his father in the field. This time, his resolution was absolute.

 

Snoke clearly didn’t find it impressive.

 

“All the power that is at your fingertips… all the opportunity to put right the wrong your mother did you with a Muggle father… and you will throw it away?”

 

“I don’t want power.” Ben explained. “I never wanted it. Not really.”

 

“Because you were never taught what to do with it. Never given a fair chance. I gave you that chance.” Snoke reminded him.

 

“A chance doesn’t mean much when the reward is this.”

 

“You have unparalleled power Ben. Stay with me. Stay loyal and it will all be yours.”

 

“Well, then I guess that’s the difference between me and you.” Ben explained. There was a flash of green light and there was only a moment of shock for Snoke before the curse took what was left of his soul. His non-verbal magic had clearly grown. “Because I don’t need power.”

 

The scene shifted.

 

Ben was sat calmly in a cell. It wasn’t Azkaban. Rey knew that much. The level of despair was non-existent. For Ben wasn’t afraid. He knew there was much worse things than prison out there.

 

The cell was opened and Skywalker walked in.

 

Ben looked at him almost bored.

 

“So… am I to be sent to Azkaban?” He asked.

 

“No. The memories submitted to the court has proved satisfactory. They are willing to acquit you of the charges.”

 

“How good of them(!)” Ben lent his head back against the wall and shut his eyes. “What now?” He sighed.

 

“That’s up to you. If you wish for people to know your true allegiance-”

 

“No.”

 

“Well, then maybe you might be interested in coming with me?” Ben looked at his uncle. “I have a position that is available as a Potions Master. Hogwarts is isolated enough that you will be left in relative peace.”

 

Ben thought it over. Hogwarts… the only home he ever really had.

 

“When can we leave?” Was his reply.

 

The scene shifted.

 

Ben was stood in the office of his uncle. Professor Skywalker looked at the letter that Ben had handed him with a furrowed brow. The scar on Ben’s face had faded from red to pale pink. It was the only sign of the time that had passed.

 

“She’s insisting that we find a place for the Kenobi girl.” Skywalker declares. “Ren, I can’t honestly say I want to deny her.”

 

“What?!” Ben demanded. “But the girl hates my guts. She petitioned the Ministry to bring me to trial. It was only due to confidentiality that they didn’t tell her why I was let off.”

 

“Ren, it’s been long enough. She’s a grown woman now. And I can’t deny that I have missed her.”

 

Ben turned his face away.

 

“I know that you have followed her progress with interest. I see the way you scan the papers for news of her.” Skywalker pointed out.

 

“I… I can’t help but want to know where she is. What she’s doing.”

 

“Indeed. Well, now you will have a front row seat.” Skywalker sat at his desk. “She will be arriving in September.”

 

The scene shifted around her.

 

It was the night that Rey arrived and Rey watched as Ren walked through the door at the side of the head table. She saw herself yet it wasn’t herself as Rey knew herself to be. This Rey was more… shining. More beautiful. And more cruel. The glares that she had thrown in Ben’s direction had twisted her mouth nastily.

 

Yet Ben kept observing her as the dinner went on. When she talked with Finn and Poe, her smiles looked radiant.

 

“She had grown up very well.” Ben mused. Rey could feel the prickling of discomfort rise in Ben as he tried to look anywhere but at her.

 

The scene shifted around her.

 

It was the morning of his walk in the school grounds. Rey could feel the inner monologue that was playing. The Slytherin game was due to play that day. Ren was thinking of his own Quiddich days. He’d been a Beater (had even tended to get a bit too handy with the bat actually) and had been a strong brooms-man. Playing for the team had reminded him of a time that had been a happy memory for him and his father, which was a rare thing indeed. Han had always been amazed at the sight of brooms and wizards flying. Therefore he’d been very keen that Ben would be able to fly even if he never would.

 

Watching his young son fly around the garden had been one of the first times that Han hadn’t been scared of his magic but invigorated by it. Ben had been nine at the time and still desperate for his father’s approval. So to see his father proud and in awe of him was a feeling that always returned when he’d played a game.

 

Standing in the centre of the Quiddich pitch, the happy memory flooded him and he felt inspired to let out his Patronus. A sign of the pure light magic that was still within him.

 

Ben watched the Falcon soar upwards and wished he could be as free as the bird that portrayed his soul.

 

The scene shifted again.

 

It was the night of one of their detentions. The night she was finishing her scarf. Ben kept glancing at her hands as though to make sure she was doing nothing else that would hurt her fingers further. Then suddenly the scarf was being given to him.

 

Rey didn’t listen to the words. The emotions were flooding from him in that moment. Disbelief, uncertainty, incomprehension. By the time she had left the room, there was only one feeling – unwavering tenderness towards her.

 

He looped the scarf around his neck. The green wool was a caress on his skin.

 

She’d made this and given it to him. She’d created something… for him.

 

He closed his eyes and felt like he might fall beneath the weight of his desire to run after her. Staggering to the store room, he grabbed a Dreamless Sleep potion. This had to stop. This had to.

 

It was every night. He hadn’t slept well for years but now it was reaching a point of nearly breaking him. He dreamt of her every night, thought of her everyday and found something about her that was more endearing with every hour they spent together. She was the light to his darkness and the flame was enticing.

 

But he couldn’t. It could never be. He was a monster. That was his role. His job. He’d made his choice. He was worthy of nothing more. Nothing more.

 

The scene shifted again.

 

Rey flushed at the image presented. Ben’s body was covering her own while she lay beneath him. Their skins were flushed and glistening with sweat as he moved in and out of her body.

 

They were beside the fire on the rug in her room with only the sufficient clothes moved aside to allow access. The pace of his thrusts was frantic and his hands clutching hers on the rug as though to hold her in place.

 

“You’re mine. You’re mine.” His tone was heated and desperate. His eyes showing the need to hear affirmation in those words.

 

“Yes. Fuck, yes!” Rey could barely remember saying anything like that. She’d been so desperate she would have said anything to find release.

 

Yet to Ben it was all he needed. He brought them both to the end quickly after that.

 

The scene shifted.

 

It was just the forest as they had sat across from the Thestrals and the flowers bloomed around them. Yet all Rey saw was all Ren saw: her beaming face at the beauty of nature.

 

She felt his tenderness. His affection. His need to protect. His love.

 

Love. It was there. It was real. It was all for her.

 

The scene shifted again.

 

It was not a scene Rey recognised. Ben was alone in a dark room with no one else present. But she knew which dark room.

 

The Mirror of Erised was in front of him. He was stood a good distance away from it as though wary of it.

 

Eventually he stepped closer.

 

He was stood alone at first but then Rey’s reflection appeared. At first she wondered if that happened if you came into the memories of another. Then she noticed the differences between Mirror Rey and herself.

 

Mirror Rey looked more assured, more happy, more elegant but all her attention was on the man next to her.

 

Ben stared with his mouth open as though he had seen water in a desert. Mirror Rey lay her hand on his shoulder and rested her head there too.

 

Ben stared at her with such longing it stole Rey’s breath. But there was a movement behind Ben that it took Rey and Ben a moment to notice in the mirror.

 

At first, no-one came forward but slowly a little brown curl stuck out from behind Ben’s robes. Then a little hand and soon a little head.

 

The little girl was tiny, barely coming up to Ben’s knees. She was clutching Ben’s robe in her little fists and seemed to be playing peak-a boo. Her brown ringlets stuck out at odd angles and her hazel eyes were huge on her pretty face.

 

 

Ben dropped to his knees and thrust his hand out backwards as though to touch, if only for a second, the image of the tiny child that was half his and half his love’s. Of course there was nothing truly behind him but air and his face crumpled in despair at being right in front of what he wanted yet so far away.

 

The woman he would die for and the child they could create.

  
Oh, he loved them both.

 

Yet they were as far from him as his dreams always were.

 

Sliding his hand into his robes, he brought out an old, weathered photo that he’d carried for twenty years. It didn’t move and was dirty around the edges yet it was still as real to him as the images before him.

 

Tears dripped down his long nose. He didn’t know where to look, forward or back, as both were hopeless and lost to him.

 

The memories began to fizzle and Rey pulled her head back.

 

She took huge heaving gasps and it took five minutes to realise they weren’t breaths but sobs.

 

* * *

 

Rey walked back to the hospital wing in a daze. She half expected to see him still lying alone but to her surprise he already had a visitor.

 

Leia Organa-Solo stood over her son, smoothing his hair back and looking like she was holding back her tears with everything she had.

 

Skywalker was stood beside his twin sister. He looked up at Rey’s approach.

 

“You knew. You knew all along?” Rey demanded.

 

“It was his choice to keep it a secret.” Skywalker explained, not denying it at all, “The least we could do was respect his wishes. Even if I didn’t understand them.”

 

“He’s always been so stubborn.” Leia whispered, not looking away from her son, “I tried, I begged but he wouldn’t listen. He never listened to me.”

 

Rey sniffed. “Can I speak to him?”

 

Skywalker nodded.

 

Rey went to the other side of his bed. He was no worse but no better. She bent her head so her mouth was level with Ren’s ear.

 

“I know now. I understand. Please forgive me. Come back. Forgive me. I love you.”

 

She kissed his cheek and rested her head next to his. If this was it, she wanted to be with him. She wanted him to die next to someone who loved him. It was the least he deserved. It was the only reward she could give.

 

A movement caused Rey to raise her head, suspecting that it was Leia or Skywalker. Instead, it was the hand that was lying prone on the bed. At least it had been prone. Now it was twitching.

 

Rey bolted upright and Leia grabbed the headboard as she watched her son.

 

It felt like it took years but the eyelids eventually cracked open. His eyes were dark and bloodshot but open.

 

Rey would have felt sorry for any man who woke up to two grown women crying hysterical tears of joy as he lay like a dead weight beneath them. Sadly she was so overwhelmed with relief and joy, she couldn’t care less if he was scarred for life.

 

* * *

 

Madame Kalonia examined Ren in great detail and concluded he was a very lucky man. Not to say he was out of the woods entirely.

 

“Your body took the equivalent damage of ten stunning spells at once. Recuperation will be slow and quite difficult. You will need patience before you are back to normal.”

 

This was hardly good news to a man who was not exactly famed for his patience but Leia and Rey were happy to hear it.

 

“Leave this bed and I will make Azkaban look like a holiday getaway.” Leia warned before kissing her son on the head. “Now, I’m going to get some rest. We can’t all get away with no sleep anymore. And the Daily Prophet love to print unflattering pictures of all of us nowadays.”

 

Leia left Rey and Ren alone in the hospital wing. Madame Kalonia also went into her office. Though she did leave the door of it open. Just encase they got up to anything distinctly unrest-like.

 

Rey stroked his hair and enjoyed once more the sight of him with open eyes.

 

“You’re still here.” He murmured in clear amazement.

 

“Like I’m going anywhere now.” Rey scoffed. “The Dementors have been dealt with. Some had escaped when the Aurors tried to get them out of Azkaban. They have been pushed onto another island in the North Sea. They won’t bother us again.”

 

“I wasn’t expecting to bump into one at breakfast but thanks.” Ren quipped gruffly. He was still weak and clearly not enjoying it.

 

“Stop complaining. You could have died.”

 

“I could have died at any point over the last twenty years.”

 

“Well, it’s safe to say I’m glad you didn’t.” Rey mentioned and placing a kiss to his cheek. Ren looked at her intently but with a hint of wariness. “What is it?”

 

Ren opened and closed his mouth several times before speaking.

 

“Are you here because you know the truth? Or would you have been here anyway?”

 

Rey was startled by the question but understood. It was a valid question.

 

“No. I’d be here regardless.”

 

“Not out of choice though. You hated how you felt for me.” Ren reminded her.

 

“I was conflicted. I thought you were something completely different to what you were. So I didn’t understand how I could care for you so deeply. It scared me. Knowing the truth… it makes it easier on me no doubt. But I would have been here until the end even if I believed you’d done what you did for the wrong reasons.”

 

“Why?”

 

Rey stroked a hair out of his eyes. Why indeed.

 

“Because when you love someone, you don’t leave them.”

 

Ren said nothing but his eyes said it all. His eyes always told her the story his mouth didn’t.

 

Rey lay her head down beside him on the bed and enjoyed the warmth that emanated from his body.

 

“I love you.” He whispered into her hair.

 

She smiled. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

There came a time when Rey was forced to leave Ren’s side to continue to teach her classes. This was not met lightly by Rey who begged Madame Kalonia to promise that she would alert her if there were any changes whatsoever. Leia Organa-Solo faced the same problem as she was called back to the Ministry soon after her son’s health was restored.

 

Mother and son had experienced a heart-to-heart that Rey wasn’t privy to but Leia had left a lot more comforted than Rey had seen her in a long time. The memories that Rey had witnessed indicated that Leia had not known of her son and husband’s double dealing at the time. If Skywalker had informed her during her son’s trial at the Ministry was not known to Rey but it was highly unlikely that Leia was kept in the dark after becoming Minister.

 

The woman’s desperation to reach out to her son was evident and understandable now.

 

Rey was still struggling with why Ren had shut himself away and let the secret be buried with him.

 

Rey had taken her seat at his side one evening once lessons were done for the day.

 

“Your mother looked happier when she left.” She commented.

 

“I’ve promised that I would send more owls to her from now on.” Ren shrugged, though with a grimace. “I think she counts that as a victory.”

 

“I’m sure she does.” Rey took his hand in hers. “It must have been hard for her. Knowing what she knew and not being able to defend you properly.”

 

Ren shut his eyes as though pained.

 

“It’s okay. Soon people can know the truth. Know just what you achieved.”

 

Ren’s hand started to spasm in her hand.

 

“No. No-one can know.”

 

Rey was sure she had misheard. She must have because he couldn’t…

 

“I don’t want anyone to know what I did. It’s no-one’s business and they are finally starting to lose interest in me. I don’t need the approval of strangers. So I won’t get it.”

 

“But why?” Rey blurted out. “You killed Snoke. You made victory possible and you sacrificed the most. You should be acknowledged.”

 

“The people who do the most sometimes don’t get acknowledged. I’m fine with that. I can live with it. I have so far.”

 

“People still see you as a monster!” Rey argued heatedly. She was probably going red in the face. “You can’t want that!”

 

“What bothers you more?” He asked quietly. “That it reflects badly on me? Or is it because loving me will now reflect badly on you?”

 

That shut Rey up. She faltered under his stare. She wanted the world to know. He’d done so much for their cause. Suffered such an enormous amount of torment. Been mentally, emotionally and physically beaten down by everyone who could get close. Shouldn’t he at least feel like he was entitled?

 

But she wanted it for them too. She would stand by him. She had learnt that it was impossible to deny her need and connection for him now. Couldn’t pretend she didn’t love him. So she would not hide it any longer. But people would ask her why. Why was she betraying the memory of so many by loving a traitor? Knowing the truth would only ease her inner conflict. People would judge her. And yes, it did bother her.

 

She’d been hailed as one of the saviours of the Wizarding World. This would be unprecedented.

 

Rey could only bow her head and feel despair. Her love for him outweighed any indecision about whether she could sustain the outside world’s disapproval. But why should it be such a choice?

 

Ren clearly took pity on her and lifted his arm to pull her close. Rey crawled into the corner of his torso and curled up into his warmth. Trusting him to protect her.

 

“It’s not fair.” She whispered pitiful to her own ears. “They should know. You deserve a reward.”

 

“You know.” He replied. “You know it all. And you loved me even before that. That’s enough reward for me.”

 

Rey lay beside him, not caring that Madame Kalonia may find them and tell them off. She just wanted to lay beside him.

 

“Do you reckon we can make new memories?” She asked. “Good ones. That outweigh the bad?”

 

“I hope so.” Ren sighed. “It’s been a long time since I had a memory worth keeping.”

 

“What kind?”

 

Ren thought and then smiled. “Stars. Han… he always liked the stars. Liked to look at them. He would have liked Astrology.”

 

Rey slowly took her wand out and flicked it above them. The spell was slow to take effect but it soon painted itself.

 

A constellation of stars formed above them, with swirling asteroid fields and shooting stars. The sky was navy and purple with flashes of light. A world that they couldn’t touch yet could still explore.

 

Rey and Ren lay together and watched the stars soar above them for a very long time.

 

* * *

 

Ren’s recuperation lasted about the length of the remaining school year. His protestations that he had experienced enough rest was met with deaf ears and he had to make do with his student’s papers being delivered for marking without his participation in the lessons.

 

Rey tutted when she saw the amount of red ink that he decorated the paper in but he ignored her.

 

The end of the school year finally came about and in July, Ren was finally back to his normal self. Which meant that he was at the breakfast table when Rey received the owl.

 

The letter was from the Minister herself. It was a request to report back to the Auror office in the summer break to update her details for the Head Office. Even when not on duty, Rey had a responsibility of care that must be maintained.

 

Rey read it with a lump in her throat. This was not a dilemma of career; she had decided long ago that her career as an Auror was over and handing in her official notice was only a formality. The pain came with the realisation that the summer that she had hoped to spend in the castle grounds would be lost.

 

She had to leave Hogwarts to finish this business. She had to leave Ren.

 

He met the news with quiet calm and did not complain or argue. He merely nodded, in an imitation of what he had done when she had tried to end things that first time.

 

Again he came to her rooms at two in the morning and kissed her like she would be stolen from his arms if he let her go for air.

 

“I’m not going to leave.” Rey promised as she stroked his hair. His head was on her breast as they lay in her bed. It was like she was nursing him after a nightmare. “I’m coming back. I won’t leave you. I promise.”

 

“I know.” He whispered. Yet she clung to him even tighter.

 

Rey made all the arrangements she needed to make and brought out her trunk to start packing. And yet whenever she opened it, she slammed it shut just as quickly.

 

Finally it was the night before the train was due to leave. Finn, Poe and Rey spent the evening finally getting around to packing for the trip. The boys, knowing that she would be returning, chatted happily about what she could do when she was back in Diagon Alley and in London.

 

Poe was busy getting some food from the kitchens when Finn finally spoke what he’d been meaning to say.

 

“Rey… you and Ren...”

 

Rey put down the top she’d been folding and looked at her best friend.

 

“What’s going on with you two?”

 

Rey sighed. She hadn’t been hiding her relationship any longer and yet Ren wasn’t ever the type to kiss her or catch around her in public.

 

They were still professionals and teachers for their students. Their more amorous activities remained contained to their private quarters. Yet no one could ignore that she visited Ren every day in his hospital and they spent as much time together as they could.

 

“I love him.”

 

Finn reeled back as though struck in the face. Maybe she should have sugar coated that a little but it made no sense to do so now.

 

“You… what?!”

 

“I love him. And he loves me.”

 

“So you two-”

 

“Are together. Yeah.”

 

“How the- you hate him!”

 

“Evidently not that much.” Rey picked the top back up again.

 

“Rey, he’s done things. Terrible things. Remember Han?”

 

Rey threw the top down. “I will never forget something like that, Finn! Not ever! But there are things… things that are not what they seem.”

 

Finn looked at her as she shook with righteous anger. She may as well get used to this reaction. And yet it would be difficult. So damn difficult.

 

“There’s something I don’t know isn’t there.” Finn said.

 

Rey could only look at her hands.

 

“You can’t tell me, can you?”

 

Rey shook her head. “It’s not for me to tell.”

 

Finn touched her arm. “Will you tell me one day?”

 

Rey looked at her friend. “Oh I hope so Finn. I truly hope so.”

 

* * *

 

Rey made one last stop before she went to start her journey: the Gryffindor portrait.

 

Han smiled at Rey as she stood before him.

 

“So kid, off on another adventure?”

 

“You could say that.” She shrugged. “I’ll be back though. Can’t keep me away for long.”

 

“Thank God. I’d be bored rigid otherwise.”

 

Rey sighed. “Your son… he’s a brave man. But you shouldn’t have asked him to do what you did.”

 

Han looked at her. And the pain of such a secret flooded his eyes.

 

“I know. It’s the reason why I had to do it. It was his world. Magic is his birthright and I couldn’t see it fall.”

 

“But to give your life?”

 

“It was a fair trade.”

 

“How?”

 

“Because it meant he wouldn’t have to.” Han shrugged.

 

Rey touched the watercolour. “You are a better man than you ever gave yourself credit for.”

 

“I wasn’t a good father though. And no matter what the achievement, I can’t paint over that with fancy watercolours.” He placed his hand where hers was pressed against. “Look after him for me, okay kid?”

 

Rey nodded, kissed his painted hand and ran down the stairs to do just that.

 

* * *

 

Ren travelled to the station with her. They said nothing on the journey. They just clutched the others hand for lack of anything else to say.

 

They drew some stares as they walked to the end of the Hogwarts platform.

 

“BB8 likes his exercise so he will want to fly often. I’ll send letters whenever he returns to me.”

 

Ren nodded. “Give my regards to my mother. She will be expecting it.”

 

Rey toyed with her bag. “Ren, can I ask something?”

“Anything.”

 

She looked up into his face. “Why have you never visited Han’s painting?”

 

His face began to close down but Rey caught his hand. A plea to not shut her out.

 

“Because it’s not him. It’s just… an imitation of him. It may act and talk like him. But it’s a footprint of him. A footprint isn’t a shoe.”

 

Rey smiled in understanding. “He would agree. But… try and go to see him. It might bring you some peace.”

 

Ren looked at her hand in his and nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

 

The whistle blew for the train and she knew it was time to go. She looked up at him and, not caring who saw, reached up on tip-toes and kissed his mouth.

 

His surprise rendered him motionless at first then he cupped her cheeks and kissed her back with all he had.

 

She could practically feel the stares of her students from the train but clung to him not caring.

 

“I love you.” She whispered.

 

“I know.” He whispered back with a hint of a smile.

 

She let out a small laugh, kissed him again and finally ran to the door of the train. She shut it and went to her carriage.

 

She didn’t want to look back. It would be too hard.

 

Sitting alone in her adjacent carriage, she let out a sob. The train was moving away from Hogwarts and picking up speed.

 

The pain of separation was already tearing at her when she saw a light outside her window.

 

The silvery pattern of a Falcon flew alongside the train by her window. The Patronus looked at her and then soared into the air.

 

Pressing her hands to the window as she watched it rise, she pulled the window down.

 

“Expecto Patronum.”

 

It was an easy spell to cast in that moment.

 

The silver trails burst from her wand and she watched in joy as her Falcon soared with its mate into the sky.

 

Twirling and dancing together, they flew into the air above the train. They could soon not be distinguished from one or the other until they were nothing more than a shining blur up above.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go then.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read and gave such beautiful support. If you have read and never commented please comment now. So I know how I did overall. 
> 
> EDIT: A sequel is coming... 
> 
> EDIT: http://panda-capuccino.tumblr.com/post/156941692917/nocturnal-studies-and-other-peculiar-magic MASSIVE thanks to Panda Cappuccino and Jess444 for this absolutely beautiful piece. I'm in love!
> 
> May your Patronuses be bright and may the force be with you.

**Author's Note:**

> I will be a little bit slower updating as the chapters will be very long and my other multi-chapter work is a priority but this will be finish by Christmas.
> 
> Leave me feedback and let me know what you think.


End file.
